tuxedokitty
New member
Dad and Grandma's Death.? Not having him here is very difficult. To be quite honest he is my backbone and my support. I have a 7 month old he is almost 8 months. My Husband will be gone for his First Birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day, Saint Patrick's Day, and maybe Easter. I love my Husband so much i can't explain. I am so lonely and He is the one who is always there when i am sad, mad, happy, etc. He can call sometimes every Sunday, and he writes a lot of letters. I know that i am probably just being paranoid but i am afraid that when he gets back he won't want me, or he will be totally different and i won't want him either. I have been feeling like this for long while and when i bring it up he just gets mad and i am guessing that's because he just wants me to stop talking about it and trust him. I have BPD and an anxiety disorder. This makes it hard because i feel like he doesn't understand completely and i want him to, but he is gone for so long and i don't want to talk about it in letters because i don't want to make him upset or make him think that i am going to cheat or that i don't trust him. I do have problems trusting people and that comes with my disorder. I am not trying to make excuses for why i act the way i act i just need help its just eating me alive inside because i can't make it stop and i go to a therapist she helps for some stuff but with other stuff she can't. I get bad dreams that he found another woman that he likes better than me, and i have those every night and i want them to stop. I am Southern Baptist and so is my Husband. I have tried to talk to my Pastor but he tells me hes not that right person to talk to. I try to hold in my feelings about my Dad and Grandma because i don't want to make anyone else hurt but eventually i break down. I love my Husband and He loves me, but sometimes i wonder. I don't know why it's getting to me i just need honest advice. Please i don't want any rude comments because i am an extremely sensitive young woman. Can anyone just give me any advice?