Lostinmymind
New member
care of our family? 4.5 yrs ago my husband was convicted of a white collar crime. He had probation but never did jail time. Needless to say he lost his job, thankfully I had just gotten a new position at work and was able to pick up enough of the slack for us to keep our home. He promised he would get back on his feet and get past this. Well... for the first 2.5 yrs he did nothing. He has tried to start his own business and has not been very successful at that. He has actually had job offers that have been revoked after they found out about his record. I have tried to be understanding and stick by him, but I am finding it more and more difficult to be married to him. I feel like he has decided to take the path of least resistance and to just "see what happens". It is like he is walking around waiting for a job to find him. I supported his business venture and asked for a business plan. NOTHING. My kids have stayed in child care (he does at least get them off to school in the morning.) He cooks and tries to care for the house (I feel like he gives this a half-hearted effort). Actually I feel like everything he does is half-hearted. In the past he has been very dishonest with me and only gives me half truths, so I have a very hard time trusting him. I have 4 emotions, Resentment, Anger, Guilt and Pity. I feel guilty I did not give my 3 boys a better father figure and role model. I Resent that he has opportunity to spend with them that I will never get and that he has alone time during the day, while I work. I feel Anger that our finances are all on me. And, finally, I feel pity for him, because he has no self esteem or drive. He is NOT the same person I married and I feel I have outgrown him. He complains that I have NO Sex Drive any longer. Lately we cannot have any conversation without arguing.We actually have a 2nd home I have begged him to sell, but it is a source of pride and he is reluctant. I don't want to force him to lose the one thing he has left, but financially it is killing us. I want him to step up and be a man and make a decision because it is good for us. I feel as if all decisions are made by me and I am a dictator, because he refuses to pull himself up and to make decisions. I am sure that I have emasculated him (not intentional, I have just grown so angry.) We have tried counseling twice in the past and both times they recommended that I move on. I have seen 2 divorce attorneys and changed my mind both times. I don't want to tear my family apart, but I don't know how to change my situation. I love my husband, but I do not respect or trust him. I certainly don't feel that we have anything in common outside of love for our boys. I am not sure what to do and I worry that he cannot care for himself and that my boys will remember me as the one who threw their Dad out on the street. Any advice?