marriage stuff, he started drinking? My husband was addicted to cocaine when we first met. He got off of that and has been clean for 14 years. He has to take regular drug tests for his job before he became self employed these past two years. Now that he is self employed, he has started drinking almost every night. He says vulgur things around our grandchildren, like discussing dildo's with his 32 year old daughter in front of them. My husband and I have an 11 year old daughter and it hasn't affected her alot yet. I am concerned with my future. I was going to start nursing school in less than a month and, now, I am like in the valley of indecision about it. I am, of course, upset, that I even have to worry about this. Why can't he just have a drink or two and not have to get stupidly drunk? The future that I was looking forward to is slowly going down the drain because he doesn't think he has a problem, and personally, I don't feel like smelling his breath every time he walks in the door. But I don't want to be around some slobbering drunk the rest of my life. I'm 42, he's 53, we're both too young to be doing this stuff and emotionally I am burnt out just thinking about going through the 12 steps with him again. We are making great money and the business is thriving!! I watch his three grandchildren from his first marriage, one of their friends, and our daughter all week during the summer so I don't have the energy to babysit and mother his addiction. My feelings are if he doesn't want to admit it and play this game, I want the hell out now, before he takes us down with him.
My husband and I are arguing about his drinking. After 15 years of normal
- Thread starter Lala land
- Start date
i wouldnt be with a filthy man who discusses dildos with his daughter, obviously he gets off on it and in front of the little children, that is abuse, he doesnt love them, the fact you have a pre pubecent daughter with that drunken scum bag is what is worrisome, he will definitely say inappropriate things to her, which would escalate into his watching porn when she is home, and you are not.
your job is to protect your daughter, forget nursing school if she is around him. get some solid spiritual counseling, & tell the grandkids parents what they hear. they have a right to know. or is the entire family dysfunctional?
your job is to protect your daughter, forget nursing school if she is around him. get some solid spiritual counseling, & tell the grandkids parents what they hear. they have a right to know. or is the entire family dysfunctional?
L
La Morena
Guest
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this?? Think of your happiness and your families happiness, he obviously isn't! Also, Why would you want your children and grandchildren to have memories of their grandfather being such a vulgar man. EWWWW! If you want out, you're the only one that get it done! Do it, Do it now.
ranger_822nd
New member
get ur butt through nursing school - and make a quick departure (if he's still drinking by the time your done)
Nurses make good money and can get work anywhere -
you are going to need that
Nurses make good money and can get work anywhere -
you are going to need that
MomofThree
New member
I'd get out too, u've been down this road before and u know how he is tale action dear!
OpenMinded
New member
Then get out. you have been there done that.
This is the way it is with alcoholics, they just can't have one drink. I'm sorry to say that there isn't much you can do to convince him to change if he doesn't think he has a problem. In fact if you start smelling his breath, lecturing him, etc. you run the risk of developing a strange parent-child relationship with him, which will only make your marriage worse.
He has to figure this one out on his own. Just tell him one last time that you don't like that he's drinking so much and you're concerned for his health, and that you're hoping that one day he decides to quit abusing alcohol for the sake of his family.
It will take time for him to get better. I were you, especially since you have a child together, I'd stick it out for awhile and see if he gets better. Definitely pursue that nursing degree- don't let your husband's addictions hold you back. In time you might decide that you need to leave, but for now just give him a chance to realize he has a problem and hopefully recover. Just remember that it's not up to you to save him! I hope it works out.
He has to figure this one out on his own. Just tell him one last time that you don't like that he's drinking so much and you're concerned for his health, and that you're hoping that one day he decides to quit abusing alcohol for the sake of his family.
It will take time for him to get better. I were you, especially since you have a child together, I'd stick it out for awhile and see if he gets better. Definitely pursue that nursing degree- don't let your husband's addictions hold you back. In time you might decide that you need to leave, but for now just give him a chance to realize he has a problem and hopefully recover. Just remember that it's not up to you to save him! I hope it works out.
Lady Kelly
New member
Ok, read your last sentence. Then read it again 
It's fair to ask a spouse to go through this once, but after that you have a pattern, not an event. And he's in his pattern again. I'd do him the courtesy of an ultimatum and you can even be nice about it, but be firm and don't issue it until you mean it. And the ultimatum (obviously) is that if you ever see him with a drink in his hand again, you're leaving. Your only responsibility is to your 11 year old, so have your general plan in mind when you say this to him and then just do it.
It might serve as a wake-up call to him, but you can't operate under that expectation. Also, do not let it mess with your nursing school plans unless this is absolutely necessary. You're trying to be too many things to too many people right now, and it's really you and your daughter who come first.
It's fair to ask a spouse to go through this once, but after that you have a pattern, not an event. And he's in his pattern again. I'd do him the courtesy of an ultimatum and you can even be nice about it, but be firm and don't issue it until you mean it. And the ultimatum (obviously) is that if you ever see him with a drink in his hand again, you're leaving. Your only responsibility is to your 11 year old, so have your general plan in mind when you say this to him and then just do it.
It might serve as a wake-up call to him, but you can't operate under that expectation. Also, do not let it mess with your nursing school plans unless this is absolutely necessary. You're trying to be too many things to too many people right now, and it's really you and your daughter who come first.
Since you've been through this addiction game with him before, you know exactly what you're up against. And you know that addicts are toxic. What you didn't say is whether you are able to support yourself well. I applaud you for going to nursing school, and highly suggest that you jump into it ASAP and finish ASAP. You know this road, and you know it gets worse, and there's no guarantee of it getting better. Since he currently doesn't feel that he has a problem, you'll have that very long battle to face with no guarantee or resolution. That you feel like leaving, prepare for it. It doesn't mean you ultimately have to leave him, but you should be prepared to do so at any given time should that time actually come. It just is what it is, and you have to make your own decisions for what's right for you accordingly, with blinders off!