There was a boy that I liked; we liked eacth other off and on for about 3 years. We'd have a mutal feeling and we'd both be too scared to do anything about, we knew we did because we told our friends and we all hung out with each other and they'd tell us. Then there would be points where the feelings would come back for one of us but not so much the other. I know That I've hurt him in the past, my feelings started to develop for him again when I was dating this guy after we had just broken up and gotten back together; and obviously I never acted on them but when he found out I was back together with Kaja he was mad at me..because he too began to feel that way..it took us few weeks to get to that point where we could talk about it. We let it die out and didnt talk for a while but stayed friends. So we started hanging out again. About a yr after that me and him started 'seeing' each other. He came out every weekend (I lived in a l town 15 min south) and we were hanigng out, cuddling, kissing yada yada. It went on for a few months; it was the first time we had actually been like 'seeing' each other; holding hands and kissing all the time. Not that I hadn't kissed the kid two years before that but ya know like consitantly throughout the months. I even asked him what he wanted from us and he told me he wanted something..he wanted to be with me. Then on my bday everything was normal but after that day i didn't see him again for prob 4 months. He stopped communicating and shut me out. He ended up apologizing over facebook (ya immature.) I was talking with a mutual friend and about a month before my bday he had told our mutual friend he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me because I wasn't "godly enough" I was ABSOLUTELY appauled when I heard that. Yes I have lead a different life, I fell down, got wasted in high school, made out with too many boys..in one night, partied. But never did I sleep around, never did I even sleep with anyone! never did I have a bad rep;I was a typical high school kid, but I still loved God (still do) and couldn't believe him. I ended up writing a letter because my feelings were to overwhelming and I gave it to him at church, at this point me and him had just started talking again and becoming friends again..(before I found out) so I gave him the letter and it said how he wasn't better than me, and I'm thankful for everything because I now can find someone worth my time, and how it was unfair of him, and how he really hurt me but i know that I've hurt him too. I also said maybe I couldn't let go of him because we never really started anything and we never really had an ending; never had closure (cuz we never did have a dating relationship.) He texted me and said he wanted to talk about it and was sorry and yada yada. So I made plans to see me that sunday. I had a feeling he was going to blow me off so i busied my day and met up with this guy I met at a show I did; we just jammed together, went to a movie, hung out. Go figure, he never called and this guy and I hit it off...a little too soon. I said before I was ready that I wanted to be with this new guy too..it was soo weird how fast everything happened..I knew I had feelings for church boy but was so frustrated and done with him that he blew me off so i went for it. I met up with church boy 3 days later, and told him how I felt, and how he wasn't better than me whatsover; he was so apologetic, and he started crying a little he said he knew what he did was wrong and he never wanted to be that guy that treated someone the way he did me. I know he was sincere cuz I know that guy really well. I said to him this is the closure I needed i guess..and he said well it doesnt have to be over.. and i kinda brushed it off and ended up telling him about my new bf of 3 days, he was hurt a little.
That was 8 months ago I am still with the bf and I love him..I do. But the church boy (brett) I just can't let that feeling go. I can't get him out of my system and off my mind. I love my bf dearly, but sometimes I'm not sure I believe it...but I'm afraid to loose him too. I know that I love him, no doubt about it but doesn't mean my feelings for brett are gone; im still confused. apart of me just wants to go for coffee and talk..but i dont even know if he would or if he's totally past it. I just want the truth-whatever that is and I don'tknow what to do. I am soo hurt and confused and it not healthy. I don't know what to do, to leave it, talk about it with him, or just try and reconnect as friends, or forget. who knows maybe when I see him again those feelings will go away again. Sometimes I feel like when my feelings decipate for brett they are only hiding. There are some things I've dont that brett wouldn't like and If he knew he prob wouldnt be interested. I'm not saying im gona break up with my bf for him.Any advice?
That was 8 months ago I am still with the bf and I love him..I do. But the church boy (brett) I just can't let that feeling go. I can't get him out of my system and off my mind. I love my bf dearly, but sometimes I'm not sure I believe it...but I'm afraid to loose him too. I know that I love him, no doubt about it but doesn't mean my feelings for brett are gone; im still confused. apart of me just wants to go for coffee and talk..but i dont even know if he would or if he's totally past it. I just want the truth-whatever that is and I don'tknow what to do. I am soo hurt and confused and it not healthy. I don't know what to do, to leave it, talk about it with him, or just try and reconnect as friends, or forget. who knows maybe when I see him again those feelings will go away again. Sometimes I feel like when my feelings decipate for brett they are only hiding. There are some things I've dont that brett wouldn't like and If he knew he prob wouldnt be interested. I'm not saying im gona break up with my bf for him.Any advice?