My girlfriend acts weird, need some outside opinions plz?

B

Blake

New member
Ok, here are some things my girlfriend does that sort of annoy me (yes I have talked with her about every single thing but she is stubborn and keeps getting pissed I bring them up, saying they are "nothing to worry about" and that I need to be more "openminded"):

1. She constantly tells me that she has time to hang out with me (she did this 6 times within 10 days) and then she will tell me she has to work over (which she does willingly, making me think she would rather do that than spend time with me) or she is tired and wants to sleep and see me tomorrow (which she will sometimes do a repeat of the same thing the next day lol). This is really annoying and irks me, I feel like she doesn't want to spend time with me.

So anyway, I thought of a little tactic to see what was up. I just started a new job, and I trained with a really attractive girl, so I have been hanging out with her recreationally (talking, playing rockband which my girlfriend hates lol, partying, etc. basically she is doing what my own girlfriend should be doing with me). This girl knows about me and my girlfriend and our problem and she is helping me a lot by doing this. My girlfriend, after learning it was a GIRL I had been hanging out with so much, was really interested and jealous right off the bat, and wanted to hang out with me and the girl, so I know she is willing to make time to "spy" on me and my new friend, but not just for me?

She says I am selfish for wanting to spend so much time with her, while she is making money for our future together (I keep saying girlfriend but we are engaged btw). We both work, yet my girlfriend only works/sleeps/gets drunk with her good friends (rarely invites me). I have plenty of time to work/get a good rest without oversleeping 4 hours/attend full-time college/hang with friends (wishing they were my girlfriend/fiance instead)/play video games/watch tv series I like/etc. I do tons of stuff, I just don't see how my girlfriend can't make ANY time at all on a day every now and then for me, I am always making time for her, she is more important to me than anything, but she seems to value money/her work more than me. Almost like I'm just a backup plan when there's NOTHING to do....

I do not plan on breaking up with her, PLEASE don't say crap pertaining to breaking up with her, I am looking for opinions and ideas, maybe things I could do further to make her want to spend time with me, etc.
I am 20 years old, my fiance is 20 years old too. This is not our first relationship, it's my third major one, and her 4th I am pretty sure. We have been going out for 4 months now, but she only recently started doing this, she used to actually pester ME about hanging out and I always would hang out, but after she got her new job she doesn't seem to have much time at all.
To the 4th poster: I love just hanging out with her at home, but I really do try to do special stuff with her, I love taking her to the mall, movies, and out to eat.
 
umm if she says she is saveing up for your future and makeing money for whatever you guys are planning too do you should let her but hmm it seems kinda weird how she gets drunk with her friends and never invites you i dont really know except to say keep a open wide eye
 
Well obviously she doesn't like that you are hanging out with a girl, but I think you are making the wrong approach. Yet it does seem wrong that she is very interested in you when another girl is presented. You are engaged, and obviously love each other. I for one work 40+ hours a week (push mowing lawns) and manage to see my girlfriend 6/7 days per week, as tired as I am. But God knows some days I would indeed like to be left alone and just rest. Maybe to grab her attention, you should break routine. Invite her out to eat somewhere nice, go to the theaters, don't just rent a movie. Take her into public, do something! maybe she doesn't want to just sit around and hang out, try doing something unexpected.
 
This isn't a healthy situation at all. Whether you two love each other it really doesn't make a difference... of course she may have love for you and you for her because that's why you are in the relationship, but if things don't change then there really isn't much good that can come out of it. You really need to sit down with her and have a serious talk about it because as much as you don't want to believe a relationship could dwindle away... it easily can with how she is acting... and how you are reacting to it. Relationships are built of trust and working with one another... it's hard work but its rewarding. You both need to be willing to work - there will never be a relationship that stays intact without any work from both parties... it's just impossible. You two are obviously having some problems but it can definitely be addressed and needs to be addressed - take it from me that's something that sounds extremely familiar because I went through the same exact thing and me and that person are no longer together - it wasn't because a lack of love but more of communication and it was just too late - there's nothing more important than love you probably know that - keep your head up high and work at it - there are a lot of key pieces of information in your post that would make a difference in assessing the situation - your age and how long you two have been together and if she was your first relationship... good luck though -
 
maybe threaten her with breaking up and see how she reacts. if she does do nothing, then shes not worth it. I know you dont wanna break up but what are you going to choose?

- chasing after someone you love while they are off doing their own thing

- possibly finding someone who is really good for you. you are only 20, you have so much of your life left.

you could start ignoring her and hanging out with your friends all the time and maybe she would feel like your drifting away.

its a very tough situation. but thats the only thing i can come up with other than talking with her and coming up with a plan to balance everything.
 
i know you said that you don't want us telling you to break up with her, but if she's not willing to open up and discuss these types of things with you, what's gonna happen when you're married?
 
there is no future without the present and that what she needs to realize you are willing to work on that problem but she seems more interested in herself than you and seems to expect you to except her lack of Passion in your relationship and i think that it is sad that you have to resort to jealousy to make her spend time with you maybe you need to tell her that's what you've been doing all along.
also couples counseling could work it will show her the seriousness of the problem and you could have some backing from the counselor allowing you to be heard and if she doesn't change then you need to do whats right for you.
 
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