My future mother-in-law wants someone in the already filled flower girl position...now

K

KJP

New member
what? So, I am getting married and my finance's mother just called and said that his niece (the groom's sister's daughter) wants to be the flower girl. His sister was not going to mention anything but my future mother-in-law decided to call and ask him...being very insistent that she wants and should be the flower girl. I asked my best friend's daughter, ages ago, to be the flower girl, and she is absolutely excited...and the correct age, 4 to his niece's 10. My finance told his mother that it was my decision and that we had a flower girl but would find some role in the wedding to make his niece feel special. I didn't really want a junior bridesmaid, but now almost feel obligated to ask her. His sister is not terribly close to him or to me, and neither are the children...but I don't want to start a feud and am a little annoyed to have been put in this position. Any suggestions of how to handle it or what role she might play and not feel jilted?

Thanks,
Bride who is handling the first of what is sure to be many in-law and wedding related landmines.
 
I was at a wedding recently where people were only invited to be in the wedding party because their significant other was already in the party. It ruined the wedding for a few people and worse yet, it ruined the reception too. Tell your mother in law that if she really wants the niece to have a place at a wedding it isn't going to be yours. Your wedding, your plans, you decide. Good luck!
 
Honesty is the best policy.
By past the mother in-law and go to the sister in-law and explain that you already have a flower girl and have asked this girl a long time ago. And just leave it at that. Change the subject and talk about something else that is not related to the wedding.

GOOD LUCK ON THE DAY AND YOUR FUTURE
 
You could always have 2 flower girls. I did at my wedding. That way you could have peace with the in-laws and still have the little girl that you originally asked be happy, too.
However, if you don't want two flower girls, then I would go ahead and tell you fiance that he needs to tell his mother that you both decided as a couple that it was not what you wanted. Ask the little girl to hand out programs or bubbles (or whatever you are having people throw as you leave) at your wedding. That way she gets to be a part of your special day without you have to rearrange all of your plans.
 
There's no law against having 2 flower girls, 10 is not too old. 10 does seem a little young to be a junior bridesmaid though, I usually see 12-16 y.o.'s in that position.
 
Since she is 10, she could do a few things, she could be another flower girl, but more like a flower girl tender since no matter how wonderful a child is normally a 4 year old can go haywire at any time. She could also be the guest book tender, the person that hands out favors, a train carrier, cake attendant, and there are most likely more but those are what I can think of off the top of my head.
 
I would be slightly annoyed but better not to hurt anyone's feelings. She is his niece and not a remote cousins twice removed daughter or something weird. I would make her a flower girl instead of a junior bridesmaid. All she will do is walk and be in 1 or 2 pics.
 
I think since you already have a flower girl leave it at that, it's not up to anyone else to decide and no one should pressure you to make changes. If you want to, consider asking if she would like to help with the guest book or some other wedding job like handing out favors, your MIL should be adult enough to accept what ever you decide.
 
If you have a train, she could carry that. It will work nicely to include her. Or she could escort the flower girl down the aisle- with a four year old, they can sometimes run off or whatnot.
 
You can have her be a junior bridesmaid and let your future mother-in-law buy her dress, flowers, etc. Age 10 is too old for a flower girl but perfect for a junior bridesmaid or guest book attendant. My daughter was 12 when my sister-in-law got married. We bought her the same dress but she was the first attendant to go down the aisle standing in the far end position. She loved it that she got to be part of the wedding party but we were a close knit family. It is up to you to decide but there is no sense in offending your mother-in-law on the first day of your marriage.
 
How about Junior flower girl or just make-up a name.

If I'm wrong sorry but the flower girl goes first during the wedding right?
So send the flower girl out, your soon to be niece and then your maidens.

If the flower girl walks out with the ring bearer, then your only problem now is finding a 10 year oldish boy to walk with your niece.

Most weddings have a 2 color scheme, so have the flower girl throw red petals and the Junior flower girl throw white. If anyone comments on your junior flower girl and her suitor, tell them that your 3 sets of couples (groomsmen and bridesmaids, juniors and R.B/F.G. Represent important parts of your life. Youth and innocence, optimisim and love, family and commitment. Each person makes up your lifetime, and it represents the lifetime you plan to commit to your fiancee.

In my opinion a 10 year old (unless small and dainty for her age) is too old. Flower girls are suppose to be 2-4 y/o adorable little cherubs.
 
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