My friend wrote this you be the judge?

P

penguin

New member
Fun and games is what my age plays
We grew up from hide and go seek
To see ourselves become matchmakers
You see we have friends beneath us
We have strangers look over us
One race seems to look down on others
While everyone believes their religion is right
This world has so many imperfections
That make it perfect
Without conflict there is no persevearance
Without regret there is no redemption
Without death there i befriend those in need
While our forefathers killed for greed
Inhumane is our humanity
A clash from right and wrong
This collision is what happens when
An instoppable force meets an immovalbe object
the line that starts without death was put wrong this is how it should be
Without death there is no new life
Our youth is taught to befriend those in need
 
Some very good points he made.
Our forefathers did a lot more for our country
than simply kill for greed right?
Declaration of Independence.
Constitution. Bill of Rights
so people like you and me can actually
have natural rights and freedom of speech.
Spelling corrections: Immovalbe="immovable"
Capitalize the i in the line: "Without death there..."
Mainly seems like a bunch of statements rolled
into one heaping paragraph, I would have liked
to have seen metaphors and similie and perhaps
even personification to represent his beliefs about
society and the world. However, he did an adequate
job. Tell him to keep writing and practice!

♥♥♥
 
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