My first attempt at poetry

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Lost angel in flames
Finding new life, searing
In the trail of charred remains
Finding comfort, feeding
In the trail of empty husks
Dimly smoking
Slowly dancing
In the wind
In the wake

feedback/comments? Is this too dim/too hard to understand what subject I'm talking about etc? was it good?
 
huh? it's about this depressed girl who has a terrible life, that I was together with a period. She'd had many boyfrienRAB before me and found a new after me. She seems to just go from happy life to happy life, finding comfort in the thought that they loved her, just to fail them and break their (and my) heart leaving everybody who she'd had a relation with more or less devastated after she left
 
Okay, I'm usually not really such a dick, but I feel like **** today and I thought it would only be fair to say this, as the users before me didn't feel like spending actual worRAB to say something like this:

It really feels like the cheesy kind of poem that's been done at least a million times before, and better.

Also, maybe it's best not to explain the concept behind a poem you've written. Sometimes it's better to let others figure it out, even if they find a whole other meaning behind it, that you didn't intend at all.
 
I'm probably worse at this than you are, but have a look at the sticky in this forum about how to get better, it has some good ideas.


Just keep writing and soon something good will come out.
 
dont fall into the everybody deserves respect trap. take someones insulting comment as a challenge to win them over. every insult should harden you up man: you want everyone to go easier on you? when you play a video game on easy forever you think you'll get good enuf to play on hard? you wont, so take it hard.
 
it's a ok poem for your first try I think you were kinda pushing the worRAB out. it's your first time though who here can say they wrote a number one single or a classic poem there first time you get better as you progress so don't let the bastarRAB get ya down man
 
seriously poopty job on your part trying to wrap up that paradoxical metaphor because i was utterly confused by it. i thought it was about a phoenix (i interpreted angel as a celestial bird because seriously nothing else fit) that ate people and lived in their skeletons. angels aren't usually connotated with hellfire and char and the like. you might consider reading some john donne if you're going to talk about love. or maybe read some faulkner to learn about how love sux. they say that love is pain and your poem is painfully bad so good job! :chug: don't give up on poetry yet you may end up liking it. write from your heart, and don't try to shock people because you'll fail. Even though your poem is very short the best advice one of my literature teachers ever gave me for poetry was "If there's anything unecessary in your poem take it out."
 
it's a start. I think this shows potential when put in a different perspective. I'd change that last part a bit like this:

Lost angel in flames
Finding new life, searing
In the trail of charred remains
Finding comfort, feeding
In the trail of empty husks
Smoking dimly, dancing slow
Wind wanders into the dusk
Sun setting in its amber glow

Cries falling on deafened ears
Ring with the sound of despair
Made by those shedding crimson tears
Unthinkable pain too much to bear
Image soon fades away
Loving heart fully torn
Cruel nature bright as day
Every rose has its thorn
 
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