My first attempt at poetry, what do you think?

J

--JoeWade--

New member
The Rhythm of Life

The Ignorant, not taught the words,
The intelligent, to busy talking their own.
Out of tune or deaf?

Trees of purple
Agreeing in silence
Buddhas, Beats covered in leaves,
Swaying to the sound with the wind.

Tweet Tweet
The barber shop singers
Simultaneously swallowing the sky,
Pondering their next venue

City dogs chanting on balconies
Yodeling on rooftops
Dancing with cats
Crying for an oncore.

Sitting on the evening sun,
Wise pocket-less men
Tapping out clouds
With happy feet


( Its a working progress )

What do you think , it is my first go at poetry, so I don't expect an applaud, but some constructive advice would be splendid
 
I don't get any of it:
not the part about the tune or deaf, the Buddhas, the "beats covered in leaves," the random barbers, the yodeling dogs or anything.

The world was not meant to be filled with poets.

I'm sorry for my criticism if it offended you, but remember that with the bad and the pathetically bad, the truth distinguishes not.
 
I think its actually pretty good. Some helpful criticism would be:

-sitting on the evening sun doesn't really make sense
-there are some parts that don't really flow together
-i'm not sure barber shop singers go tweet tweet

haha otherwise its not bad at all. nice first attempt. MUCH better than anything i could do my first time
 
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