My Dad pisses me off so much. (Please read! This is not a teenage rant.)?

V

Veg Plate

New member
I'm 29 years old and my dad still manages to piss me off.

My dad is about to turn 71. Every once in awhile something will come up that he needs my help on. The latest thing is that he's applied for SSI-Disability. The case worker called me and left a message on my phone about his case. This was before I called him to find out what was going on. I was suppose call the case worker and forgot. It was an honest mistake and the last thing I'm thinking about in the morning is calling people. I'm trying to get to work. He calls me yesterday and is pissed off because he gets a letter of denial for lack of information. Well, the fact that I apologized for it apparently wasn't enough because he starts shouting and complaining (as usual).

This certainly isn't the first time.

As a kid he didn't make an effort to come to any of my performances in high school. I was always the one kid in band that was waiting till midnight (or longer) for him to pick me up after a football game. His version of spending time with me was working around the yard or feeding our farm animals. No such thing as father/son quality time.

Then he has the nerve to say that I dont want to help him. Every time I make a mistake or a slip up it's always such a big fricking ordeal. I recently had someone tell me that he wasn't going to make an attempt to go to my wedding even after my sister has told him that he was going to ride up with her.

Old feelings that I've learned to deal with are trying to come up again and I have too much going for me to have a meltdown.

How can I deal with this?
 
I don't know if I am understanding this. How can your father apply for disability when he is already past the age of retirement. He should have already applied for retirement a few years ago. I think he is only eligible for social security not for disability. All you have to do is make another appointment to reopen and examine his case. This time don't forget. This old baggage shouldn't find room in your life now. We all have to tell ourselves our parents only do the best that they know how. Only sometimes they really don't know how. There are no handbooks on being parents. Just because your father wasn't the best father doesn't mean he doesn't love you and it doesn't dismiss you from trying to be a good son. After all is said and done and your father is no longer around you will always be able to hold your head up and say you were a good son to him.. He will have to answer to his maker why he wasn't a better father.
 
This is an issue you've been dealing with all your life. You need to speak to a counselor or therapist. Some friendly advice from strangers here, who are unlikely to be mental health professionals, isn't going to help. If it were that easy, you've had managed to take care of it on your own already.

Good luck!
 
Veg Plate: We are the ones to make a difference. Love your father for who he is, not what he hasn't done in the past. You son are able to correct that from happening in your walk in life. He is 71 years old, and soon his life will be over. The bible says to honor our mother and father so our days will be long. Two wrongs have never made a right yet. Forgiveness is a hard thing, but it can be done. There is enough hatred in the world without us adding to it. Learn from his mistakes, so you son will make a difference. Remember we pass this way but once. Some of us will walk though leaving no footprints upon anything, while others will leave footprints here and there upon the hearts of many as they journey though their lifes. The path you take will determine your footprints. Good Luck !Steve I also will ask God to Bless you and your wife to be. That your your marriage will be one formed by Gods hand and stand though all times. I am 60 yrs old, and i will be there at your wedding in spirit as a father of seven, i know the importance of being there. God Bless!
 
Your father is what he is and this is unlikely to change esp due to the fact that he is seventy one.If it frustrates you this much you have two options; you confront him with the situation, the perpetual let downs, this latest insult over the wedding or you simply get along with him best you can and try to distance yourself from him to some extent. As to the disability form, that was you have to admit(work to go to or not) a really bad oversight on your part. Its difficult enough and stressful enough getting all the info they need for these things without having to go for an appeal.Since this has to do with finance i can understand his anger to some extent.If you were denied a raise because your father failed to turn up you would not exactly be leaping over the moon either.I know some people will say get him out of your life but youve endured it up to now and in the end you can say, hand on heart i stuck with it and tried to make it work, even if this is just for your own sense of closure on the relationship.
 
Your father is what he is and this is unlikely to change esp due to the fact that he is seventy one.If it frustrates you this much you have two options; you confront him with the situation, the perpetual let downs, this latest insult over the wedding or you simply get along with him best you can and try to distance yourself from him to some extent. As to the disability form, that was you have to admit(work to go to or not) a really bad oversight on your part. Its difficult enough and stressful enough getting all the info they need for these things without having to go for an appeal.Since this has to do with finance i can understand his anger to some extent.If you were denied a raise because your father failed to turn up you would not exactly be leaping over the moon either.I know some people will say get him out of your life but youve endured it up to now and in the end you can say, hand on heart i stuck with it and tried to make it work, even if this is just for your own sense of closure on the relationship.
 
okay honestly i think you need to let him go it will be hard i know trust me im 18 and still in high school i have a job and i also have a 19month old little girl and im possibly pregnant again.. in september my dad hit me with my daughter in my arms. so i went to my room packed everything up and left. and i called the police and he is still being prosicuted.. my father was never there for me in the oldest of 3 girls. he never came to my basketball games never did anything with me.. all he was worried about was drinking beer smoking pot and himself.. when he found out i lost my virginity he called me a whore and spit in my face and kicked me and when he found i was pregnant he threw pizza at me and told me he hoped my baby died in my stomach.. so i told him i hoped he f*cking died.. then he almost did so i forgave him and everything was fine FOR A FEW WEEKS!!! and then i put up with him bitching everyday about little stuff such as crumbs on the table or my baby cring while he was on the phone or him bitching about my boyfriend not paying child support through the courts.. (mind you he buys our daughter everything and when i say everything i mean EVERYTHING) and i finally had enough the night he hit me i had just tured 18 and i now have alot more to deal with but its shaping up for me im getting my own place finally....

i also lost my whole familly my mom and sisters are stuck in the house with my so called dad and his abuse.. i lost my dads whole family and my moms i have absolutly no body besides my daughter my boyfriend and his family.. but i did what i thought was right...

i know i've pretty much told you my whole life story but i thought i needed to so that you would understand that i've been there and it may be hard to let your father go but its something you may need to do.. its not you fault he goe denied.. hes your father your not his and you have your own life and if he can't understand that then you should let him go and move on with your life and if he don't come to your wedding it might be best.. im pretty sure your soon to be wife don't want him shouting at your wedding and making a big scene and im pretty sure you don't want that either...

best wishes and congrats..
 
Your father is a prick, just like mine. I wrote my dad off years ago.

I used to try with him but as ive got older and have realized he is not going to change and with your dad being 71, hes not going to change either.

Now, I see my father maybe once every other month ( he lives right down the street from me) and it works.He is still a prick, I just don't have to see him that often.

If I were you, I would speak up to him and tell him how you feel, ( be assertive) and if things don't change you are not going to do anything for him any more,GL
 
First of all, he's 71. All elders just sit and yell and complain and are unhappy til the day they die. Seems like you resent him. Is that why you "forgot" to call the case worker? Maybe you did honestly. IDK That's not the main problem here. I say you should forgive him and move on with your life. Yes, he's your dad, but don't make yourself unhappy. You're trying, he's nagging. Not much to do but stress, right? Is it really worth it?
 
yeah, it happens. not everyone has the greatest parents. my grandma is approximately the same as your dad. she was always yelling and grumbling at me and at my mom without any reasons. really.
she's the same age as your dad, so there's no wonder that their age has a bad influence on their minds. they tend to be angry much more often than before. what we did? we forgave her. this is the best choice and the best thing to do. as they say - what doesn't kill makes us stronger. and when you grow up with someone like them, you swear to yourself that you will never ever be like this. eve if my grandma ain't the greatest person in the world, my mom is brilliant. she learned lots of lessons from her childhood and so she never did anything bad to me. she's treating me right and I believe that I will do the same thing once I have my babies.
just forgive him with all your heart, thank him for the life he gave you and don't spend your precious time thinking about bad things. attract only the positive thoughts. this is really helpful kind of meditation ))
 
Your father is who he is. He was always who he is. What you want is for him to be a better father and a better man. But you can't change him. Expecting other than what you know you're going to get from him or hoping that one day he'll make up for whatever came before is just going to frustrate you and make you angry.

Accept him as the person he is. That doesn't mean that you have to be happy with who he is. Stop devoting your mental energy to your problems with your father. Just get on with your life without him.
 
What happened was that there was a lack of communication between you and your father. Instead of making it known to you how important your call back to the SSI-D office was, he chose to EXPECT you to do it. He never reminded you or made it clear that it had to be done in a certain amount of time. Therefore, it did not seem important on the scale of daily chores.

The deal is, now that you're older you can talk to him on an adult level and although you may not always get the reaction you want, it still clears YOUR conscience. The fit about the wedding is just because he's mad at you right now, and that's his way of making you feel bad. You probably need to tell him that you "understand his anger, and you know now that you both need to communicate more effectively in the future, so you hope that he can learn to overlook your mistake and not take it out on the entire family".

As for the chores and lack of spending time, honey, I had it way worse than that. I know remembering back on on bad times can make your ENTIRE day bad. It can really put on extra stress and bad feelings toward everything around you. It's hard to not remember when you're upset, but just try to think how you have the power to change that for your son. That you are going to take the time with him and you are going to show your family that you are a good guy, no matter how someone else is taking their frustrations and anger out on you.
 
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