My boyfriend is upset because I'm a private person and don't discuss relationships in...

[Anneliese Scarlett]

...the workplace? I'm a VERY private person and I don't like discussing my personal life at all. It's actually very hard for me to even be typing this here, but I need help. Anyway, I've been working at my office for three years now, and I keep my personal life completely separate form work. I don't speak to my co-workers about anything other than business. I don't even attend office parties unless they're a business function. Well, I have never once told my co-workers I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past six years, and he just found out that I've never said anything and now he's upset. He feels that I'm ashamed of him (which I'm not) that I couldn't even bring him up in chit chat. I don't know how to tell him I don't chit chat with them. He even asked me if I would continue this if we got married, and I told him I wouldn't even tell them I was getting married. I probably wouldn't even wear my wedding ring in the workplace, that's how private I am.

He's really upset now and is threatening to break up. He said he wants to be with someone who will at least mention it and not be so private. In a way, I'm the same way with acquaintances as well, but our mutual friends know.
I also feel that in a business world, you shouldn't let your personal life influence co-workers or potential clients. I only speak business, which is why I don't want anything personal disclosed, even if it is marriage. I hate it when you are speaking to a client and they ask if you are married because they see a ring. I'd rather tell them it's none of their business, or that I'd rather not answer that question.

 

[Jello]

seems to me that youve gone to the extreme though and he's right. you certainly at least should have acknowledged that you have a boyfriend/are in a relationship with someone special. you dont have to go into detail other than youre happy enough with your bf of x years. dont people even ask? what do you say if they ask? did you deny him? peace

 

[Mr. Lizard]

I can read between the lines, and I know what you are really after. You should continue to be irrational until he finally breaks up with you.

 

[Kathryn]

Did you ever give a thought that maybe you are too private?
Don't get me wrong.. you shouldn't go to work talking about how the s** you had last night was pretty good... but not mentioning your boyfriend or not wanting to wear your wedding ring is just a little bit extreme. Not only that, it probably makes your boyfriend think you are cheating on him, or are looking for something better.

 

[Suspiria Doll]

Honestly, I can side with your boyfriend being upset about you saying if you got married you would not even wearing your wedding ring. That's a bit much. No matter how private you are, you still should wear your ring. Who cares if they notice or not.

I work in an office and some people are very private, However people know SMALL tid bits about them, like if they have kids or a husband, etc. Because even the most personal, quiet people keep pictures on their desk, etc.

I can understand him being hurt. Even if you had no intention on telling people, you would have told him you WOULD to spare his feelings. You should apologize to him.

 

[Suz123]

You write: I told him I wouldn't even tell them I was getting married.

I can understand how you want to keep your business and personal lives separate.

I do think you are wrong about not mentioning a marriage. You don't have to invite coworkers to the wedding. You can even announce your marriage after the fact. But yes, they should be told you have wed (when that time comes).

You may want to take hubby's name. You may not. But yes, I think they should be told when you wed . . . otherwise, hubby will think you are ashamed of him!

You should be proud to announce your marriage . . . and proud to wear your wedding ring in public.

So yes, I think I am on your boyfriend's side this time. It is fine to keep the business and the personal lives separate. You don't have to tell coworkers all. But if you are private to the point where it hurts boyfriend's feelings? Then yes. Perhaps you need to apologize to him . . . and reconsider the situation just a bit.

Good luck.

 

[Mr. Taco]

So what is your question?

Sounds like you and your boyfriend just aren't a good match. You have different values. That's usually a deal-breaker. All you can do is talk it over with him, explain your way of thinking, and if he doesn't like it, then it is time to break up. That's life.

Good luck!