My boyfriend is kind of talking about the military - any advice about supporting him

[Amanda]

and marriage? My boyfriend of a year is considering joining the military if he is unable to find a job after he graduates from college. I don't even know where to begin in my feelings on this. He talked about it a few months back and was serious about joining. He then decided that he wanted to finish college.

I found out tonight that he's beginning to think about it again, and I'm having mixed feelings. I was engaged to a man two years ago who was in the Marine Corps, and the military dating/life was extremely stressful. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy it or wasn't able to handle the stress - it was just a lot to handle at my age (I was 18 at the time).

Any advice from men in the military or military wives/girlfriends? How should I go about this situation? We've been talking about getting engaged in a few months. If he does join, would it be best to go ahead and marry?
He is a great man, and no matter what he chooses to do I will support him. I just feel a little overwhelmed at the thought of having to start the military lifestyle over again.
I understand that the divorce rate in the military is extremely high having been in a broken engagement with a former Marine.

I don't fear though that we'll divorce. I just fear that being away from our families/friends/home is going to make things so difficult.
My relationship didn't work out last time because my ex-fiance was a complete jerk who cheated on me. Yes, the stress of the military made things more difficult, but it wouldn't have worked even if he hadn't joined.

My boyfriend is NOT the same kind of guy, and our relationship is strong.

 

[Veishan]

If you've already been through the "military dating" life and know that you didn't have a good time last time, what makes you think things will be different now? I'm assuming you're only a few years older than you were at the time you dated the Marine if your boyfriend's just now graduating from college.

I recommend that, if he's serious about joining and you're serious about him, you bring up your concerns (if you haven't already). Remember, he may yet find a job in civilian life. The military is also making recruiting goals at a brisk pace across all branches, so he may not get in even if he's left with no other option.

As a college-age man who is engaged to the love of my life and considering military service in the near future, I had to explain what would happen to me and my future wife, emotionally and financially, if I get my wish and end up joining. I assume you already know of what he intends to do, what branch he wants to serve in, etc. If it's between not getting married and getting married, and you love the guy with all your heart, marry the guy. It'll entitle you to Tricare, some extra money to cover your housing expenses as a dependent, and you can go with him if he gets accompanied orders on Uncle Sam's dime.

Best of luck.

 

[Veishan]

If you've already been through the "military dating" life and know that you didn't have a good time last time, what makes you think things will be different now? I'm assuming you're only a few years older than you were at the time you dated the Marine if your boyfriend's just now graduating from college.

I recommend that, if he's serious about joining and you're serious about him, you bring up your concerns (if you haven't already). Remember, he may yet find a job in civilian life. The military is also making recruiting goals at a brisk pace across all branches, so he may not get in even if he's left with no other option.

As a college-age man who is engaged to the love of my life and considering military service in the near future, I had to explain what would happen to me and my future wife, emotionally and financially, if I get my wish and end up joining. I assume you already know of what he intends to do, what branch he wants to serve in, etc. If it's between not getting married and getting married, and you love the guy with all your heart, marry the guy. It'll entitle you to Tricare, some extra money to cover your housing expenses as a dependent, and you can go with him if he gets accompanied orders on Uncle Sam's dime.

Best of luck.