My boyfriend denied being intimate, my ego is crushed - your opinions and

[Cruzin]

advice, please? My boyfriend is a keeper, enough said. He respects me, admires/adores me on all levels. I know he cares for me - he's those nice guys that finish last but he ended up with a nice girl like me who appreciates him and what he does. Last weekend, i was denied sex from him and my ego is crushed. I don't sleep around at all; usually guys hit on me for that "one thing" and I easily deny them and now, when I'm really wanting my man, he crushes it and I feel so "easy". Eww. I was sincere and i was in the moment and felt it, and BOOM, my sex drive died. He claimed he was being respectful and nice. We had a long talk about it and here is what I got/understood from him.

Though I met him back in december and have been very natural and comfortable, we have been "official" for only a month or two. We have a good connection now but through time, we'll have a better connection. He wants to talk about it more and be more comfortable about it. He wants to emotionally feel it and that will require time and it's not just a physical thing. He said it wasn't me at all..it's "us as a couple". He admitted feeling self concious bc i'm a "good girl" who doesn't sleep around and wants it to be special. He still finds me very attractive, loves my body, my butt, etc... and it'll happen when it happens. I told him i understood and respected his decision.

I am appreciative i have a guy like that but I can't help but feel so undesired...soo ugly. I'm so turned off now and i'm afraid if i ever get "high" again, it'll end up crashing b/c my ego was rejected. What I don't get was that when we first started talking, we would do things sexually but not "it". It was mostly him pleasuring me (great job, i always tell him) and he loves doing it. We talked dirty once in a while and it took us a month to talk about "sexual history" blah blah blah. NOW, it's like he doesn't wanna go near it as much. He'll continue to say how he appreciates my body and how sexy I am but when i flirt w. the idea (just teasing him: ex: you'll be the first to see my body after all of this "working out")...i get nothing. I'm playful but not horny 24/7...i feel bad...
Thoughts guys?
And no, we're not teenagers...we're nearing out mid 20's... if that makes a difference
He still does want to please me just not have sex

 

[Softtouchmale]

It seems to me as a guy that he has some reservations and issues about sex and intimacy.

I will tell you that for me sex is pretty hollow without that special emotional connection; and I am suspicious of his lack of desire to please you sexually.

To me if I'm into a woman, I want her to be adored and happy and give her everything I can to make it so she can be happy, especially if she brings me joy in my life.

I am just wondering if he has any religious, emotional, sexual hangups. Is he bi-sexual? Is he still in love with someone else? Does he feel guilty about having sex? If so, why?

The only way you can get to this is to focus on his emotional state, and get to the point where the two of you can trust each other with everything regarding intimacy. It may not necessarily mean getting in the mood to actually do anything sexual; but if the two of you are close enough and discuss it in depth then maybe he can tell you a little bit more.

With the track history you talked about, it seems like he had no problems before, so why now? That's a big question.

As for you feeling down and self-conscious or ugly, please don't feel that way! Its not you. It sounds like you're the kind of girl a guy would be real happy to be with. And it also sounds to me like you could really fall for this guy and he could fall for you. So what you two need to do is get around whatever it is that's keeping you apart. It could be "paper thin" or it could be a brick wall. Whatever it is, find out so you don't get hurt anymore.