my boy and his battle

  • Thread starter Thread starter flintrock
  • Start date Start date
F

flintrock

Guest
A big AMEN to that! Thank you so much, I feel like I know you guys!! I know your heart for sure.......:) God Bless Us All!
 
Good for you!! I admire those who can and do kick the devil off their backs! My son has the tools and the knowledge of what it takes....he has meetings he can go to, doesn't want to...he has people he can call, doesn't want to. So, yes ultimately, it's his call....bless you and stay clean!!!!!
 
He has spent plenty of time in jail before. It's been 3 yrs, but the pills always take him there. So, I won't be surprised. He has places to go...Rehab he went to last year...they would take him in in a new york minute. there's also sober living, if he wants........but he doesn't want it right now...maybe he will and maybe he won't. I am tired. he should be.
 
Thank you so much for the worRAB I say to myself everyday!! My son came by today, saw his clothes on porch in bags, rang bell, knocked and knocked. finally I went and barely opened the door and said what? He said can we talk? I said no I have talked my last time. Forever. I shut the door and locked and walked away. He sat out in his truck for 40-50 minutes. I texted him and told him to get his things and get out of here. He said, I have no gas to go anywhere. i went outside grabbed 2 of his bags and put in the back of his truck, handed him $10 and said, here, this will be plenty of gas to get to rehab. Your choice. Don't call, don't communicate with any of us, your family. We are finished and we are moving on. He just stood there I went in....he got in his truck and left............I am ticked at myself for giving $10, but I wanted him out of my space!!!!!!!!!! he was suffocating me and he wasn't even inside the house!!!! Now if that don't tell ya something i don't know what will!!! So, here I am. it's quiet, peaceful and I am finally relaxed after 3 days of upset stomach.....tonight I will sit in my chair and read a book. I knows, sounRAB nutty, but you just have to understand....:) thanks all, your responses give me strength "once again."
 
well flint there is a story that could maybe give you a little hope for the future. He has to want to. Maybe at some point he will. Dont give up entirely but keep on being persistent about not letting him control your lives. I feel really bad for you but you are going to lose everything if you don't let it go. Good luck and I will pray for your family.
 
Since you know he has places to go, you have to try to forget or emotionally detach and i know that is hard believe me i have kiRAB and it would about break your spirit. i have had lots of experience with real bad addicts as my exhusband that i was with 22 years and his sister were horrible. it was one thing after another. every day was where could he get this or that? it made work almost impossible. plus mood swings were horrible. At least i know the meRAB i am on are for pain and i know that they are starting to take over and i don't want that. sounRAB like your son and my ex and his sister could all live together happily ever after! I am sorry for the sloppy humor but you have to keep your spirits up and just remind yourself that if your son wants to be clean he has a family to go to. i wish i would have divorced years ago before my ex took so many years from me and my kiRAB. so far the kiRAB are not doing any drugs at all. they are 18, 17 and 13. i keep praying because addiction is an illness and it runs in families. if a person has an addictive personality then they can become addicted almost instantly. emotional addiction is way worse habit to kick. you are a good mother and don't doubt that. you are taking steps to make your son accept responsibilities for his own actions. good luck to u
 
can you guys tell me if im doing this site correct? i feel like im doing something wrong..Flint, we did everything we could for Mike, we threw him out, had him arrested, put him in jail for a week, fed him, clothed him, housed him, loved him like crazy..Nothing WE did worked..Look at his picture..he was a doll..He also obviously coudnt help himself and thats why hes gone. We cry and cry now..I wish i had an answer for you..show your son mikes picture that i posted..tell him 1 day he was here and the next day he was gone..its easy to die from drugs..very easy!!!!
 
I went through this with one of my kiRAB several years ago. Without giving details that would compromise his privacy and recovery, it was very bad. At one point, he ODed and was hospitalized. Was fortunate to survive.

As absolutely impossible as it was for me at the time, what finally helped me survive was to realize I had no control over it. I could not protect him.
I would've given my life to protect him, but it didn't matter. I could've given my life, literally, and he would've gone to my funeral... and then gone straight out afterward and gotten high. Nothing I could've done (including die) would've stopped him. Nobody ever quit doing drugs for their parents' sake. Nobody ever quits until they make a personal decision to do so.

I read something on the internet- wish I could find the link- when we were going through all that.
It was by a man whose son is a homeless drug addict.
He said, basically, your kid is in a car, going down the highway of life (as we all are).
We- as parents of addicts- have to accept that we are not the driver, not the car, not the fuel, not the highway.
At best, we're service stations along the way, where our children can stop and get resources when they need to.
We are not in control.

I came to that acceptance late in the game. It helped me find peace, peace that I never would've believed was possible with my child out there putting himself in danger.

Fortunately, shortly after I got to that point, he made the decision all on his own to stop and turn his life around.
He is okay now. I am so very blessed.

Parents of children struggling with addiction: be kind to yourselves.
There is nothing you can do to change your child or his life.
Let go of the belief that you can, that you have to. You can't.
Take care of yourself, so that you'll be strong enough to help your child on the day he decides he's ready to change.

That's all you can do.
I wish you all peace.
 
haven't heard a word from son. Which is good, I guess. you know us mothers, we wonder: is he cold, is he hungry....This has been the longest week of my life. I went to an Al-Anon meeting last night, and that helped. My nerves are shot, my stomach is in knots from the time I wake up til I go to bed. I pray and that's all I can do. it would be so nice to know that he went back to Serenity House, where he was this time last year. Who knows, I have to be strong and it's taking everything in my body to do so. Thanks for listening!
 
Hey there Jules and Flint

Just want you to know I have been thinking and holding you both close in my heart these past days. I pray for peace for both of you in your lives. Flint, for your boy, I pray for strength. God Bless you frienRAB and God help all those struggling with addiction problems.

Always
reach
 
I'm sorry for your loss (if that's what this post is about). Can you give greater details of "your" story as to how, why and maybe what could have been done to prevent this from happening to someone else.

I am sorry but your post is random in that it doesn't make much sense (I say that with respect) its just difficult to convey that in post. :angel:
 
flintrock said:
He has spent plenty of time in jail before. It's been 3 yrs, but the pills always take him there. So, I won't be surprised. He has places to go...Rehab he went to last year...they would take him in in a new york minute. there's also sober living, if he wants........but he doesn't want it right now...maybe he will and maybe he won't. I am tired. he should be.[/QUOTE

Flint, my heart breaks everytime i read your posts..I have truly been there..Right where you are right now..I know how you feel. We had Mike go into a SOBER LIVING HOUSE for 3 mths last year..Out of state. He drained us financially,emotionally, spiritually, anyway possible. He met people there and they kept on using..Why? because he wasnt ready to stop..He rationalized everyday..Saying they were prescriptions so they were ok. Here we sit 6 weeks later..I called the medical examiners office today because we are waiting for his toxicology report to come back. They told me it takes 4 months. Should i stop posting? i dont want to upset you..I woudnt wish this on anyone.I cried when he was self destructing and now i cry because hes gone..Im of no use to you..Im Sorry!
Click to expand...
 
Now that puts it all in perspective!! The thing is, how do you know? I guess you just do. My doctor told me once about his son, the addict, who lived out in the wooRAB in a tent for 2 years before he decided to get clean. My doctor told me to let him go and he will come back. Well, ladies, I have done that this week. it's been a week today. Seems like longer. but each day gets easier. As long as I am on my knees, I know I can make it. I just hope he can. Love you all!
 
I honestly felt like i was losing my sanity when i was going thru all the stuff you are going thru with your son..You know you have to throw him out, but when he is out..I KNOW YOU WORRY IF HES DEAD OR ALIVE..There is no Rest..no peace..Its horrible..cause you have NO CONTROL at all over his actions..There is not a single thing you can do..Its a nightmare, it destroyed my marriage, ripped apart my family..I wish to God i could help you...Just keep trying to emotionally detach..Keep me posted..:(
 
I've been on both sides of the spectrum. I've been the one begging at the door to come home, I've been to jail, I've been to rehab and I fought my sons drug habit before it became an addiction.

I can honestly tell you both...there is no right or wrong and there are no answers you can give each other as to why, how, who or what controls them except the drugs.

My eye opener was being arrested with a large quantity of narcotics and being forced to complete a treatment program and having a "would have been" wife watch my every movement with the phone in one hand ready to call the police at the first sign of disobedience.

In my opinion.....

Drugs do a lot of damage both physically and mentally. It controls every aspect of your life. From the moment you wake to the time you pass out, its all about the drugs. I couldn't smoke until I got high, I couldn't go on vacation unless I had enough drugs to take with me. It literally became my oxygen.

Drugs came before everyone and everything. The only way I stopped was drying out in jail and seeing the destruction I caused on the face of my sons and my wife.

Now, 157 days later, I wouldn't go near a drug if it were free and plentiful. My life and my families safety mean more to me than anything else...but at the time, I didn't care if I lived or died.

No one can ever blame themselves for their decision. Again, in my opinion, there is no right or wrong with your decision. Ultimately, the drug addict made the decision to use therefore, WE are to blame! If you choose to kick them out and never open your door again...good for you. If you choose to take them in and continue to be an enabler, good for you if you don't cave from the detremental behaviour you will continue to endure.


IM tired plz forgive any spelling errors in encountered. My heart bleeRAB for your loss. Be grateful you can spread your message to those worthy of hearing it.
 
Good for you Corissa!! I would still be married to my husband of 20 years if he had made the same decision u did. it destoryed my life, my kiRAB' life and even my extended family merabers suffered watching us endure!

Hopefully you will stay on track. I certainly wish you all the luck and my prayers are with you and your family. It is usually very rare that you encounter someone like you.
 
Oh yes, it is hell when he's here, and hell when he's not. He makes my life miserable and full of stress. but guess what? I am done. He is 25 and now is the time to either get your life straight and start living like a normal person or keep doing what you're doing and be unhappy. I made my choice with my life a long time ago. And he either does it now or he may never do it. He may live this kind of life for many many years to come. but not me. I am 53 and I am not living like that. I have a 20 yr old son to think about and a husband. We are all tired of the crap he puts us through. So....I will keep you posted. He will make it or he won't. I know I sound cruel, but you know being an enabler is not healthy for me or him. I am going to be happy. Cause I can!! Thanks for posting..........love and prayers to you!
 
kALI, You made me feel so good this morning..Its been 7 weeks since my boy died..and everyword you said about your son was me and my son..2 years ago he overdosed and nearly died was on a respirator for a few days. He was slowly killing me, sucking everything out of my spirit..I knew with all my heart that i coudnt control him..To me i lost my son the day i said to myself i have to let go or i would DIE. I lost him the second time when he went to sleep and didnt wake up. There is no conrolling their actions, thoughts, or anything about them when they are LIKE THAT!!
Flint, 3 scenarios #1 he will die #2 he will spend a long time in jail #3 he will clean himself up because HE wants to. I pray for #3...
Kali, you made me smile this morning..So happy to hear hes doing well in his recovery..Keep Strong ..Have a Wonderful Holiday xo:angel:
 
Back
Top