my best friend fancies me, i am gay, yet she is scared to explore these feelings, not...

[Jemma]

...sure wat to do? about a year ago she told me that she liked me, but that she has never liked a girl before, i am 21 she is 32..she said that she can't live a lesbian life as she has only ever liked one girl. she gives me extremely mixed messages. she has come round and got in my bed, we are cuddling, then she needs to go, she has told me that she could kiss me but has never done so. i had a lucid dream about her (realistic) we had sex and afterwards i felt strange and embarrassed. im wondering if the curiosity got the better of me. i love her a lot, i don't necessarily want her as my girlfriend but i want to see what it would be like with her, even if it only happened the once. we fall out an awful lot, mainly over silly things. she also doesnt like me being with anyone else or even suggesting it, she gets very jealous and i feel deliberately causes problems. this is not allowing me to move on, i dont essentially want to but sometimes see it necessary because otherwise im clinging onto something that it not likely to happen. whenever we meet she cuddles me, she breathes my smell in, she will kiss me on the head, hold on my hand, but never a defining moment..i just dont know what to do, its really hard when you love someone so unconditionally. i then find that when we fall out i tend to be cruel, i think its a build up of all the frustration i feel, its been a long time now. i know she finds it hard too, she has told me shes gone to therapy to discuss her feelings..i just feel like shes leading me on a bit, she doesn't agree with this and said that there is no right or wrong in this case. someone tell me what the hell is going on and whether i am being too pushy for answers..everytime i think its best to move on she behaves in a very jealous way so it becomes almost impossible!