Mother of the Groom upset her son will be spending Xmas with my family.

[kraftservices]

Isn't she being ridiculous? My daughter and her fiancee spent Thanksgiving with his family. Now, she and her fiancee will have Xmas with our family. Apparently, her FMIL has a hard time accepting the fact that when you marry your child gains another family and they have to split holidays. My daughter's FMIL called me up yesterday, asking since we only live 2 hours apart if we could have a joint holiday party at her house with her family. I told her no. I said she got the kids for Thanksgiving, we have them at Xmas. Fair is fair. I and my family deserve time to enjoy the holidays with the newly engaged couple. I reminded the groom's mother that I didn't try to intrude on her Thanksgiving holiday or plans and I didn't appreciate her doing so with my Xmas plans. My daughter's FMIL then said, "everyone knows Thanksgiving doesn't count as a REAL holiday." I told her that it is indeed a real holiday and that the kids said that they would alternate all holidays-say for instance, this year, the kids will have Xmas with us, next year they will do it with her. The Groom's mother then said maybe the kids could come by Xmas Eve. I told her that my daughter told me they would here Xmas Eve. I also told her that my family doesn't have joint holiday gatherings with extended family-we have never done it that way and that she would just have to respect the wishes of our kids. Honestly, why is she throwing a tantrum over this? I don't like not having my daughter on holidays either, but what is fair is fair. I am a mother and have cut the apron strings. Why can't she?
In our family, we don't do Xmas piecemeal. Spending Xmas means spending Xmas Eve and Xmas day. If the FMIL sees the kids on Xmas Eve, that isn't really fair to my family, is it. She had the kids on Thanksgiving. She needs to share and realize her son won't always be with her.
The MOG got the whole Thanksgiving holiday with her son and my child. I did not see them. I think I deserve the same courtesy for Xmas and Xmas Eve. The kids agreed they would spend those days here. For the last time, my family only celebrates with immediate family-we don't do joint holiday celebrations or ones with extended family. It would not be fair if the FMIL got to see the kids Xmas eve. She has already seen them for the holidays. It is my family's turn. I would never intrude on her Xmas holidays by making demands. She should have learned a long time ago, that you don't always get what you want. she will see her son next year.

 

[jenny]

i think you deal with it just fine. make sure you keep mind set on this and stick to it every holidays.thats what i do with my family so it won't cause any prombles if they don't like it o well they will get over it .

 

[cassandra]

Just so you know you are going to get a lot of bad answers more insults then advice for posting this I recently posted something like this kinda different though so I understand how you feel cuz that's your daughter and your son in law and yours and your families time with them . I have a stepdaughter and every other year I have the same problem with her b day her mom throws her a party one year good for her I don't expect to be invited and frankly I don't want to then actually we had her b day this past weekend we had her b day party and her mother was basically asking my husband if she could come its kinda simular see the fiancees family are inviting themselves cuz they think its there place cuz that's there son brother whatever but its your alone time with them just you and yours with ur daughter and soon to be son in law I get it I would suggest to be a bit more um like quiet about it speaking out and saying all you did I am proud of you I wish I could to but its going to cause animosity between the families and they may think its immature which I am sure it is I know I am being the same way but no one else gets it just be more sensitive to the situation like maybe apologize and make up an excuse why you can't have joint x mas's or just tell the truth in a more sensitive way for instants just be like I do apologize for the way I came off I am just finding it hard that I can't have my little girl over ever holiday like I use to I hope you understand my wishes to spend this intimate time with my daughter and my new son in law alone and maybe next year I will feel differently but for now please understand its nothing against u its something I am learning to deal with . So for the future grand kids you guys can all get along and to tell you the truth my grandparents from my mother and father never combined holidays I think that's weird to do maybe as the years go on they will get the hint.