Mother Fuckers standing too close

N

nigga dude

New member
It's true, I'm an irresistable sex symbol that people can't help but want to get close to, but damn step the fuck off, and let me breath! I don't know about the rest of yall, but I subscribe to the notion of personnal space. Unless I'm riding in a vehicle with limitted space or I'm in the presence of massage therapists or a woman whom I'm about to grace with a ride on The Honorable Mjolnir Shai Hulud, if someone comes within 2 and half feet of me, they will be considered an assailant and they will be dealt with!

Dumbasses most frequently end up with a ticket to the emergancy room or morg for breathing down my neck while waiting in line. I'm a patient man, and don't mind waiting my turn. I'm also a respectfull man, I do not violate other people's personnal space. (Oh yeah, there's also the possibility they stink.) When I need to get in line, I leave at least a good 3 feet between me and them. If I'm in line with a friend, that's different. I'll stand closer so we can talk confortably. However if:
  • the person in front is a guy: I'm not gay so, I don't stand too close.
  • the person in front is a chick, then if:
    • she's too young: I don't stand too close (I'm not a pedophile)
    • she's too old: I don't stand too close (sometimes old people smell funny)
    • she's not attractive: I don't stand too close (I'm don't want her to get her hopes up for nothing)
    • she is attractive: I don't stand too close (I don't want to creep her out)
As you can see from this logical case hierarchy, there is absolutely, no fucking reason to stand right behind someone else in line.

Why is there always at one dumbfuck who thinks they will get through a line quicker by standing an inch behind the person in front? They won't. They'll just end up in the obituary page sooner. Why do parents not discipline children who act like retards and try to push and shove their way through lines? Don't they realize where the boot prints accross their heads come from?
 
I hate it when people stand to close to me in line. The other day I was standing in the lunch line (and to tell you now I'm a bit claustrophobic) and everyone was back to back and pushing to get threw one of the doors (they keep the other one closed). It was bugging the hell outta' me people where standing so close in a small place and I started freaking out practically knocked everyone around me down.

People who stand to close to others in line are dumb and should be sent to the back. :thumbsdn:
 
I had a woman ram into the back my ankles with a stroller while in line once. Of course she couldn't be bothered to even acknowledge she did it, let alone apologize. What a fuckin bitch. :mad:

Another time I was in line at the grocery store in front of this horde of giggling teenage girls. One of them was so close she kept brushing up against me, so when the time came to swipe my card and enter my pin I turned around and asked if she'd mind if I did it alone. She just did one of those "UGHOMG" things, rolled her eyes and backed off.

People. :rolleyes:
 
It's a culture thing. In Europe, "personal space" isn't much of an issue, and people normally walk and stand as they please without giving it a second thought. The notion of "personal space" I think is if not strictly, then primarily an American issue.
 
I tend to walk to close to people because it seems as if every fucker on earth has no where to go, so they walk as slow as humanly possible. Standing in line is a differnt story. I believe in 1.5 feet in between the person in front of you.
 
i believe that you should stand just out of punching range unless the person is over 6'6" then you stand closer so they can't see you right away:thumbsup:
 
When people stand a little too close, I tend to think they may be pick-pockets.

My sister-in-law discovered the perfect remedy for people standing too close in line. The State Fair was being held at the Meadowlands. I convinced her, her husband, and my wife to go on the water luge, being that it was close to 100 degrees that day. I waited by the exit with my son and nephew. They were too small to ride. As you can imagine, the line was crowded. About ten minutes later, as I was looking to see where they were in line, I noticed a gap of about ten feet and people holding their noses. Sure enough, my sister-in-law let one rip. lol, she's going to kill if she finds out I posted this.
 
Farting is an excellent remedy for mother fuckers standing too close. However, it's not the magic bullet. First off, I cannot fart on command and Murphy's Law being what it is, I tend to get gas when I don't want it and on the occassion I want to fart, I'm either out of methane or in sharting danger.

Second, farts are area of effect weapons that spread out radially. Meaning their will be collateral causualties. If you're surrounded by asshole you don't like, then farting is great. But if you are with friends or there's a hotty nearby that you are about run game on, then farting is not so good.

If find the best solution is a usaully a good elbow shot. A broken nose or sternum serves as an excellent and tactfull hint that they have violated your personnel space.
 
I belive if i put up my arm and can touch you, then you are too close. The exception is if the person is a hot girl then she may stand as close as she would like.
 
You've hit the nail right on the head. Us Brits were brought up in queues, so we're pretty tolerable people in this regard, talking on the other hand is a different matter.



Bad stomach. Theme park. Hot day. No wind. One hell of a queue... My eyes were watering, from both the sting of the rancid air and at my failing ability to hide my hidden mirth as I let another one off. :happysad:
 
I hate when fucking people breathe on you.

There's this one guy I have a class with, apperantly he didn't start talking till he was 12. I can deal with that, I'm patient with him when he wants to say something to me. BUT what I can't deal with is him constantly, staring and breathing on me when he likes to occasionally look over my shoulder at my work.

I have told him to stop, because people looking over my shoulder is annoying enough and it bugs the hell out of me, but of course he takes it as a joke.

I feel bad though, so I tell him to fuck off in the lightest manner.
 
Amen to that shit. It's the mouth breathers that bother me.

I've been in alot of party situations, grocery situations, bus situations, jail situations where we (we, as it feels like a temporary family) all had to be very close, and just deal. Fortunately, we all did a good job of dealing. It's nice to see that not everyone has to whine about a temporary uncomfortable situation, and just get along. The human race tries. Sometimes.
 
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