Most important Things to discuss before marriage?

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Justin H

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I have been with my gf for about 7 months and we are both interested in a future together, but what are some things I should find out before marriage? Her bad qualities that are most prominent to me are that she can be a bit selfish (includes sexually as well), she is not always respectful to my decisions, she has bad diet and fitness habits, and she will not really open up to me about problems. How hard are some of these to overcome and she is only 18 as well so will some of these get better as she gets older?
I forgot to mention that she does have some very good qualities like she is the most trustworthy girl I have ever been with and I love being with her and she is very beautiful and I know she would be a great mother, as well as many more.
 
Sweetheart, you're 18. You have a lot of maturing to do. I'm not saying don't get married. My parents married at 18. But honestly, you're still growing into your adulthood. Things "don't get better" she is the way she is. Don't expect that she may change. You need to open the communication lines, and if you can't love her for the way she is, then for godsakes don't get married and don't bring a child into this relationship. If you're finding more bad qualities than good...I don't know. I'd say rethink your decision to marry so quickly. Things to discuss: how many children, if any; your views on how a household should be run...Can you really see this woman in your life when you're 50? Are your sexual libidos compatible? Like, are you going to want sex every day or every week or every month and what does she want? Finances and the future, roles at home, and most of all COMMUNICATION!!!! I say see a pre-marriage counselor. My fiance and I have taken that and thank goodness we did. There was a lot of things we needed to work out that would have caused tremendous fights. We've decided to put off marrying so quickly so we can get to know each other.
 
Pre-marital counseling should be a must for couples that want to marry. We went through it with a preacher and his wife (who we loved dearly) and they made us question everything under the sun. I really feel like we went into marriage knowing what to expect. They helped us talk through issues and learn how to compromise. We've been married for 17 years without a glitch and I really think this counseling is a big part of why.

Good luck :)
 
My ex husband married a woman he thought was perfect. Needless to say she has a lot of dirty laundry. One of which my ex husband is being made a fool of. He is wearing her ex husband's wedding ring. Still, he does not believe it when anyone tells him.

I feel that you should look into your future wife's past to make sure there are no dirty secrets that could cause you humiliation later. I am not talking about small things because everyone has bad in their life. I am talking about very significant things, like mental health and such. My ex husband did not look into these things. His new wife tried to commit suicide in her past and almost succeeded and she now suffers seizures due to her attempt with an overdose. My ex was lied to by her and she blamed another reason for her seizures. They have a baby now and he is stuck with this woman.
 
1) 5 year plan - what are both or your goals and how will that work if you get married?
2) Kids - you must discuss your ideas about family - do not wait on this conversation - you either both want kids or you don't - and numbers are important (doesn't mean have them now, just means you should both be in agreement for when the time comes)
3) Finances - together? separate? a ltitle of both?

Those are my top 3...of course everyone is different but I feel goals, kids and money are the big arguments so it's better to start off on the same page.
 
There have been many articles written on this subject. Here is a list of the things I can remember from the articles.

1. Children-How many, raising, etc
2. Money- How much can be spent on entertainment as opposed to saving
3. Religion
4. Interaction with In laws
5. Personal and home cleanliness
 
They could get better or worst depending on her and how fast she matures. You should talk about if she wants kids and how many, also be Very aware on how she spends her money, her goals in life etc.. The most important thing is to make her feel comfortable enough for her to open up to you, don't push her or rush her she will open up when she's ready. 7months is not to long and it takes time get to know someone take it day by day. Good luck!
 
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