TheRealBrendan
New member
Alright so please bare with me. I'm 20 and she's 18. We've been together for 6 months now. We both love eachother, and legitimately care for eachother. However, it has been pretty shaky sometimes. And she's got a big wall up. We have had problems communicating, she isn't able to talk about her feelings and gets very upset sometimes. I try to be very patient and understanding with her, I listen to her, and try to understand her. She is a very emotional person, and is very involved with her own problems and issues, and she often unintentionally neglects my own needs in the relationship because she is focused on her own issues. I get pretty down sometimes, Im always there for her, but when I need her she doesn't seem to be capable of this. I try to talk about this with her, but she often says "I feel like I can't do anything right, I'm always messing things up" and gets very upset. And then I'm left telling her it's okay and that I know she's trying to be there for me.
That has been the main issue. And some of my close friends have said to me I don't know why you put up with that, She's never there for you..you deserve better etc etc. My problem with that is that I know she is trying to be there for me, and she legitimately feels like **** when she realizes im upset and she let me down. I don't look at it as her being selfish, I know she cares for me and is trying.
Now, on a very serious note. She told me a few months ago she has some problems that have effected the relationship greatly. She said she hadn't told anyone about this issue, and that it's affected all her prior relationships. She told me she knew that the relationship wasn't "normal" and she feels terrible and guilty. She is going to counselling and is seeing someone for this issue. I am being supportive of her, and told her that I'm not going to leave her, or judge her.
Anyways, she confirmed what I had already kind of put together a few days ago. That she had been sexually violated as a young girl. She wasn't able to talk about it any detail, she's very very emotional about this and I completely understand. She feels like this is a huge burden on me, and has said to me that she feels selfish sometimes because she's with me.
We had a conversation a day after she told me about her problem. She was telling me how terrible she feels, crying, and saying she doesn't know what to do. She said she feels terrible because I'm always there for her and she can't seem to be there for me because she is trying to get herself together and deal with her own issues. She said she thought the least selfish thing she could do was for us to break up because she said she doesn't want me to put me through this.
I'm really at a loss of what to do. I understand that currently I am not getting much out of the relationship. But I really care about her, and I want to be with her and help her through this. She said she feels like if we break up she'll have no one, but she just can't take making me upset anymore. She told me I'm someone she could see herself having a family with in the future, and I feel the same way (its scary because were so young). That's why I don't want to give up on her like this. My friends are very casual to say "man she sucks shes never there for you, why do you put up with this ****" but they don't realize she really does care about me, she's just not able to let down her wall and let her love shine through.
What do you think? Thanks
That has been the main issue. And some of my close friends have said to me I don't know why you put up with that, She's never there for you..you deserve better etc etc. My problem with that is that I know she is trying to be there for me, and she legitimately feels like **** when she realizes im upset and she let me down. I don't look at it as her being selfish, I know she cares for me and is trying.
Now, on a very serious note. She told me a few months ago she has some problems that have effected the relationship greatly. She said she hadn't told anyone about this issue, and that it's affected all her prior relationships. She told me she knew that the relationship wasn't "normal" and she feels terrible and guilty. She is going to counselling and is seeing someone for this issue. I am being supportive of her, and told her that I'm not going to leave her, or judge her.
Anyways, she confirmed what I had already kind of put together a few days ago. That she had been sexually violated as a young girl. She wasn't able to talk about it any detail, she's very very emotional about this and I completely understand. She feels like this is a huge burden on me, and has said to me that she feels selfish sometimes because she's with me.
We had a conversation a day after she told me about her problem. She was telling me how terrible she feels, crying, and saying she doesn't know what to do. She said she feels terrible because I'm always there for her and she can't seem to be there for me because she is trying to get herself together and deal with her own issues. She said she thought the least selfish thing she could do was for us to break up because she said she doesn't want me to put me through this.
I'm really at a loss of what to do. I understand that currently I am not getting much out of the relationship. But I really care about her, and I want to be with her and help her through this. She said she feels like if we break up she'll have no one, but she just can't take making me upset anymore. She told me I'm someone she could see herself having a family with in the future, and I feel the same way (its scary because were so young). That's why I don't want to give up on her like this. My friends are very casual to say "man she sucks shes never there for you, why do you put up with this ****" but they don't realize she really does care about me, she's just not able to let down her wall and let her love shine through.
What do you think? Thanks