living w/ a alcoholic but he don't see the problem

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dolejaly

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My partner is a alcoholic and that being said 2 yrs ago after we started dating I knew that and pretty much accepted it, but I never realized it was to the in depths it is...He is not one that gets drunk and falls down or violent, and he brings that up to me, but he does get a little on the side of you can't talk to him after he has been drinking, he is a know it all. So I avoid any serious conversation w/ him after 6 pm anymore. He use to drink hard liquor but that had stopped after we started living together, but the beer every night stayed and little by little it went from a 6 pack a night to 9-12 a night...

I get so tired of seeing him drink every night. Although he feels he is not drunk I hear him slur his speech and the constant of thinking he knows everything and what he doesn't realize in some manner he makes me feel belittled on some of my beliefs so that is why I do avoid conversations w/ him. I am not condemning people that drink I also drink maybe once a year and go out and tie one on so I know I have no room to talk....But, recently there was a death in his family it was his brother and that got him thinking w/ all the people that have been passing away that are in his age bracket of the 50's and wants to change his life....The drinking was one of the things he mentioned to me, he said he was not going to quit but become a week-end warrior..He felt if he kept on living like this that he would not be able to live his life to the fullest extent. I just listened and didn't say much beings I have heard this before, but, I didn't let him know what I was thinking because he said the same thing after a good friend of his passed away about a yr ago. I just let him know I am here for him, but I couldn't bring my self to show that big time supportive person because i know he loves to drink....He did go a couple of days w/ nothing to drink ,then when he drank he kept it to about 4 a night, well that was until the weekend which was 6 a night and that stayed for the past 5 nights, now I am seeing a pattern all over again....Do I say anything to him about what he was trying to do and what I am seeing him do now?

I was brought up surrounded my alcoholics and I don't really care for it, but I have come to accept it in some manners, but yet when I see someone that it could truly harm it really worried me.

He comes up w/ every excuse in the book as to why he drinks and I get tired of hearing the excuses. I know he reminRAB me I knew he drank when we met so whats the big deal. I don't like to see him drink every night and I am worried that one day I will wake up and he will be dead. i am concerned on his health, he does have high blood pressure(not extremely high), but is out of norm range, but he uses that as and excuse because everyday life upsets him and if me or the kiRAB do or bring up anything to him that bothers him he blames up for his high BP and for his increase in drinking....I am sure we were not a part of his increase or reason on drinking due to the fact he drank before he knew us...But, I don't want to see him suffer in any form such as health issues or die at a young age but I don't know how to approach it w/ out upsetting him....I thought about suggesting AA meetings just to see if that would help, but being he never said he was going to quit just cut back I don't know if that is a good idea...I don't know what to do....
 
hi doly j , it sounRAB like a tough situation , it sounRAB like its up to you, some will go on to live out there live around active alcoholics, ok start with the meetings , an go from there do what ever it takes, this is a matter of life an death ,al-anon may help they may give better advice, i know some alcoholics , that have there disease in remishon, that live with active drunks , this 1 lady for instence, she has been telling me about getting out for 4 years now she has every exscuse in the book, i have frienRAB that drink heavy at times , but i dont live with them, i dated this women for awhile, i thought she had a few hear an there, the first few weeks were great,then i went over her place 1 day this was during the week ,an party man her son other frienRAB , i few days of this was all i needed ,its too bad, there was no talk about drinking issues ,although she knew i was in the program thats why the first few weeks were not so bad, like yourself i can be around people that drink a few here an there get a little silly ,but subject myself to the shear insanity, i just refuse to settle for less, the program tought me that, if you have more questions just ask make that call though, i will pray for you an him . scott:)its the way they act like a little kid ,me i was just plain stupid
 
Thanks Scott for replying. It's hard because he See's nothing wrong w/ it. Like he says having a few beers to unwind so he can sleep is not an issue..Even his frienRAB look at him as someone that if they need a drinking buddy they can always call him...When I asked his frienRAB about some advice about him before about a whole different issues and him always being grumpy in response to many things they suggested, "oh just give him a beer and tell him to shut up. that will make him happy"....Personally I wouldn't want to be known like that through my frienRAB eyes that to solve my problems and make me happy is to give me a beer....

Like I said before I don't mind going out once in awhile for a drink and have a little bit of fun, but not feel the need for it everyday just to get by....He uses my medication as a example as I do the same thing, I have chronic pain issues due to back and muscle problems, along w/ coxidenia,sciatica,migraines and fibromyalgia....so, as some peoples surprise I do not get a buzz, but what I do get is my pain reduced to function in life...But, because of that reason he uses it as no different than his...But, yet at the same time he says he wants to slow it down due to health issues and wants to live longer than the men did in his family which was mid 50's, my partner will be 51 in Noveraber....
 
Get thee to Al-Anon (a meeting for frienRAB and family of alcoholics). You can't change him but you can change how you react to it. "Accepting" it is not the answer unless you want about 50% of a healthy relationship and want to keep protecting him from the consequences of his actions. I'm the ex-wife of an alcoholic who didn't think he had a problem. Life is SO much better now. Good luck.
 
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