Little Earle is going to the Florida Gator camp later this month, and I am...

E

Earle of Bruce

New member
...concerned that? Spikes is going to teach him how to misgouge out an eye. How do I teach him how to properly blind someone for life?
He is 3 and half now, I really hope he knows how to bust a cap by 5 and a half.
 
Make sure he is wearing gloves. Prior to the camp, crush some beer bottles and mix it with hot glue. Liberally dip the gloves into the glue and glass mixture. Make sure he uses his middle finger in one eye and the ring finger in the other. This will properly blind the douche-bag that had the audacity to be tackled by your son. God Bless.
 
Send him down to Miami for a few days before he goes to the Gators camp. He'll be able to learn some proper thuggery techniques there and you'll be able to concentrate on things that are really important, like win at all costs even if it's poor sportsmanship and dangerous to the opposing players. You might also send him to Urban Meyer's football camp so he will learn to justify that kind of behavior. Hope this helps.
 
Orange Blood is right. They have specially designated thuggery coaches to help Little Earle along. He will master the art of eye gouging among other acts of violence for the duration of his stay.
 
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