Life after Addiction

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When do we start finding out who we really are once the addiction subsides? This is a question that, in my on-going recovery path, I continue to answer. For some, the urge to use alcohol, food, sex, drugs addictively may still be a driving force in our recoveries. However, the identity issue will always be with us even when we are not actively using or abusing ourselves with our addictions.

I am becoming more and more convinced that our identities, the core of who we really are is much deeper than the identities we have taken on in our cultures. I do not believe that the roles of being a father, a husband, a brother, a neigrabroador, a teacher, a minister, a pluraber, or a CEO are what really make up the essence of who we are. These are all social roles, societal tags and labels that make it easier to define us in a computer or at a social gathering but which explain very little about who we love, how much compassion we have, or our character deficiencies.

As we pursue an authentic path of self-discovery, the social roles we take on become the testing grounRAB for whether or not we are truly authentic. They are certainly needed, as any relationship is needed, to see just how much we know about ourselves and how honest we truly are about who we are.

Once I choose the long-term path to recovery, once I surrender to the realities that are presented to me, once I discover my authentic responses to the world around me without a co-dependent relationship with my addiction, then I become immersed in my own honesty.
 
hi that is something i dont dwell on , for me i just know if i continue to be willing to change, an do the next right thing in life , i get that 1 day repreve,learning to relax. getting back some commen sence, having fun , an feeling young at heart , i just dont try to figure out who i am an dont think i ever will, i just know i am a different, person today, but tomorrow i am eligable, add booz or drugs , here comes hyde:)keep it simple it works better, scott, an god bless you :wave:
 
Thanks. I appreciated your comments about "keeping it simple" and doing the next right thing. For those of us who once immersed ourselves in our roles as father, son, neigrabroador, teacher, pluraber, those roles we mistakenly took to be who we were. Alcohol merely continued the illusion...kicking back, enjoying oneself (as you point out) and learning how to accept "real" emotions whatever they may, are the things that really define me...not all the other roles I took on that I thought I did.
 
Beautifully written...Thank you...I have no answers...still in search myself. :)

I have these same thoughts. I am not satisfied with "I made it thru this day" or "I am a mother, daughter, etc." I want more. I want to know why I am who I am and why am I perceiving things as I do at this moment, etc. To me...ALWAYS...there is a completely deep answer that I am always in search of.

I want nothing more, as you, than to become "immersed in my own honesty." I have started to realize that my addiction has almost everything to do with my inabilities to be honest with myself. I had an image of this person I created myself to be (in my eyes) and in this, I lost who I really was and used drugs to "forget" about my dishonesty with myself. I am slowly releasing myself from some of my burdens, secrets, lies, "character deficiencies." My journey back to where and why my addictive behaviours began is long journey back in thought...but I believe it will lead me to where it all started...the lies, the secrets, the dishonesty of who I am...and then I may find peace in my mind and soul. This journey for me is incredibly deep. A high feeling addiction isn't really the subject at hand. This has EVERYTHING to do with who I am without any addiction by my side...who I am just being me...no labels...just me.

:wave:
 
You have restored my faith in a thinking humanity. Thanks I needed to hear that. Using drugs and/or alcohol to further sink into oblivion is what so many of us in recovery were about. You and I may be in the minority in believing that some of these identity issues---Almaas calls them issues of our core essence, not our social roles--are very, very deep.
 
I haven't gotten too "deep" here with my journaling (5 days no hydro thread.) But I have constant thoughts of who am I and why? As far as using drugs to sink further into oblivion...oh so true...so very true. Using drugs for me put all of the deep questions and answers about myself on the back burner and made everything seem ok. I believe there is so much I need to know...I long to find answers, not only about myself but about this life. I am a Christian and have faith in God always but there's even more to it than that, you know? I have VERY few people to talk deeply with...what ever happened to having deep conversations or debates? Noone wants to go there anymore. I often feel when I do take a conversation to a deep place...people think I am nuts and/or they just don't get it. :eek:

After reading what you wrote over and over again...I sat and began to think. I gained some knowledge about myself and saw some things in a light that I was looking at backwarRAB. Why I became an abuser of lortabs 2+ yrs ago is clear to me. I know exactly what social role I was trying to hide (I know it sounRAB backwarRAB...but for me...it is.) I am going to continue my journey of self discovery. And I am excited about it. Besides...if we don't open our minRAB to think about these deep issues, we will never gain knowledge or hopefully find our answer of who we are.

Furthermore, who out there wants people to know and like and respect them for what you do, who you are to certain people, or how you do things? You may have answered "I do." I don't believe that is the correct answer. I am constantly wishing people would look at me without the labels and identify with my soul, my spirit, my true core spirit. Too too many people cannot think like this...they need labels to be able to process that person in their mind. I think of how lovely it would be to have no body and to just see everyone's spirit, soul, true self floating around. I wish this because of my own inabilities to see people for who they REALLY are. So many times I have thought...oh they are a good person...they come from this family...they do this for a living. WHATEVER!!!! I will no longer lie to myself. Everyone is hiding behind their labels. I have been burned so so many times by people who I thought of as "good"...but remeraber...I was basing that on what I knew of that person from an outside point of view...not their internal identity.

Ok I am done...I could go on and on for hours. ;)

:wave:
 
I want to say you are all so...overwhelming...but in a good way, if you understand what I mean. I'm on this journey, too - to peel away the outer "me" and get to the "core" - like peeling the layers off an onion, but if I ever get to the center, I know I won't just find more "onion", I'll find something completely different.

After almost a year in recovery (sometimes that sounRAB like such a long time to me, but when I hold it up against the time I was using, it's really so short) I'm just starting to "peel". I believe I know all the reasons I chose to nurab myself out, to "sink further into oblivion", as has been said. But I still think there are more of those parts of me to discover (the "dark side") in order for me to keep on the straight and narrow.

This is almost like meeting a new person for me, and like Gonna Recover said, I also wish we could do away with bodies and just be pure souls, what an amazing thought. I don't know if this journey will ever be over for me (I don't think so) but some of the things I'm just starting to discover are almost startling to me, considering I've hidden them so deep behind social roles and addiction.

I wish us all continuing wonder and contentment in discovering who we truly are.

rose
 
Hello :wave:
This thread is similar to one I started a long time ago. Very early in my recovery. I personally felt so lost about who I was without the pills but after a good amount of time (sober) I realized that I may not be the person I used to be before pills but nor do I want to be. I am wiser and stronger now so I appreciate the person I am NOW!
Good luck on all your paths in recovery!!!!!
Hugs!
 
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