Lay your head down at Night

M

munkismile

New member
Lay your head down at Night.

I remember the peaceful nights spent sleeping.
The dreams that stirred your sleep seemed warm,
almost welcoming.
Tears fell softly some nights,
they easily dried.

I remember when you met your prince charming.
He held you through those long cold nights,
his intent noble.
Drool sputtered in the night,
easily absorbed.

I remember the day the little ones came.
Their laughter filled the room with love,
causing smiles.
Whimpers took you at night,
easily awoke.

I remember the day the demons arrived.
The nightmare that kept you awake,
was his cold absense.
The black tears fell at night,
easily accepted.

I remember when you didn't come home.
The sobs of your parents heard loud,
questioning reason.
Frozen in your room at night,
not easily forgotten.



(its from the view of an inatimate object. Just a little personification.)
 
I love my two resident trolls. Always keep me writing. Actually this poem is written form the viewpoint of an inatimate object. It is an assignment that turned out pretty damn well if ya read into it.

I wish it didnt have to be vague. A women whom I lost my virginity with a decade or so ago ended up getting married a few years after we broke up. She had two children with him.... they got a divorce. Then she ended her life. I always sort of blamed myself because I saw her a few weeks before it happened. She was with her two children and I ignored her. Just my way of kind of dealing with it.

Eitherway. thanks for the worRAB of encouragement.
 
Eh, you can think that all you want.

HaD........ this is a message board so i'm gonna say this with the most respect intended.

This women deserves more respect then what you give her. Due to the fact that I cant kick your ass over a message board means that I will have to continue to ignore the comments you make. I think your a tad jealous. SounRAB like you have never impacted someone's life enough to understand real emotion. SounRAB like you had a daddy and mommy and a beautiful house. :rolleyes:

HaD if your true goal in life is to be a message board troll that mkes up new names after they get banned, then you have achieved it. Your goal is simple just like your life.

Atleast Kit takes the time to convey his arguement. You just sit there and makes little remaks to get a rise out of people. The only reason you can get a rise out of me is because I revealed personal information to you.
 
Has a nice structure to it, don't mean to pry but how'd she die exactly i've been trying to decipher from the last paragraph but only throwing up small conclusions, unless it isn't stated.
 
Ahh, what would rabroad be without the dickhead trolls. Dude, don't even bother responding to them, that's what they want.

Anyway, it's an interesting concept although I think you could have had a lot more fun being the pillow than you did, it doesn't really come across as POV of an inanimate object at all - just someone remembering small snapshots of someone's life. I also think the structure might be a bit restricting, because while it does convey the snapshot idea it also leaRAB to a bit of stagnation within the piece.

It was a decent try, but I don't think you entirely pulled it off.
 
Yeah its written for a damn class...... on the fly for them. Had to be something form an inatimate object. It could use some revision and the structure is very F'in limited.

We stopped talking about three years before she passed away. I did not know untill I got kind of drunk one night and looked her up on myspace and there were messages on her profile saying goodbye. I looked up her obituary and it didn't say anyhting. No news or any information on it..... Anna King James dead at age 21.

Her first child ended up almost being mine. We had broken up and she came back a few times. We had a paternity test done and it was his. I ended up leaving it alone so they could grow. He divorced her when she was pregnant with the second and the first was three.

It was quite tragic...I need to expand the form.
 
I gotta agree with Capt North here. It was also way too obvious that you were going for the perspective of a pillow, which I think takes away from the beauty and mystery of writing in the perspective of an inanimate object. It should either be really simple and obvious and achieve a resonating impact from the simplicity, or it should be so vague that it sucks the reader in.
 
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