JXLC, I need your help once more

N

nima_babii

New member
The reason I call JXLC is just because he has aided me with these silly relationship things before and is a good listener. I'm just calling him down here because he knows what he's talking about. If anyone else wants to post, feel free.

Anyway...I have a problem similar and yet not similar to RanC's, I just read his thread a second ago. My problem is with my girlfriend that I've been dating for...I dunno let's say 3 weeks. Now I know, I'm 17 and it hasn't been that long...and it's not really all that serious sounding. But this is the first real relationship I've had..and I'm very confused over what is going on.

So she says she loves me...and I believe her. I say it to her all the time. I show my affection for her every waking hour of my day. But sometimes she just doesn't return it...and I don't get it. It's not that I think she's off screwing some other guy...we've talked about that and I know she's very loyal and not going to fuck with my heart. Same for me. I wouldn't ever cheat on her.

But I just feel like whenever she's with her friends, I'm just some guy. I know I can't be the center of attention every five seconds, that's pretty obvious. It feels like we're back to aquaintences again, and she just doesn't say much to me. When we're alone, we're both insanely friendly and flirty and compassionate...and I just wish it was that way more often. Sadly, it's not. Usually we hang out just us two once a week, the other days are with my friends and she shows them more affection than me.

She's always ecstatic to see them, for instance, my friend's name is John. She'll run over there and be like, "Johhhnnnn!!!!" But when I show up...it's kind of like, "Hey..." and then I get a hug.

Is this what dating is supposed to be like? I mean, forgive me I'm pretty sheltered in the dating department and I just hate being a schizophrenic paranoid weirdo but I can't stop worrying if she just doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. I really just wish I could hear her say, "I love you" and feel good about it.

I don't want to get out of the relationship, yet am I in it?

Or is she just using me? I don't want to think that. God I love her so much and just can't stop thinking about her whenever we have to split up after hanging out. I would spill more of my life story in here but I'm afraid that would be longer than the infamous "Booby Thread."
 
You have fallen.

Way.
Too.
Fast.

My only comment is that if you fall for women that fast, you will soon be depressed to the point of suicide. I have a friend with the same problem. How can you possibly love someone that you have been dating for three weeks?
 
Okay here is a females point of view here, maybe you are coming on a little strong, you say you are constantly giving affection and telling her that you love her, im not saying sharing these feelings are wrong but sometimes especially in the early parts of a relationship they may be a little overwhelming. I am not saying at any point that the feeling isnt mutual but maybe you should take a little step back and relax, enjoy the relationship and her without being emotionally clingy, which you may be coming across as. Let the jealously monster take a holiday.

Stop overthinking this, if this relationship is meant to be, it will be.
 
Some people have trouble showing affection in public when it's with someone they care about. Hugging a friend or being silly with an acquaintance is less revealing than true emotion.

Not sure if that's the case with your girlfriend, but it wouldn't hurt to ask. Something as simple as "Hun, do you get embarassed when I kiss you/hug you/hold your hand around your friends?" Worded that way, it allows her to answer without feeling defensive.

However she answers, you'll be able to begin a dialogue about those feelings, and learn what her "comfort zone" is regarding displays of affection.

Also, some folks get more comfortable with showing affection as time goes by, and this may be the case with your girlfriend.
 
Angrywelshman, I've been on vacation a bit, sorry man.

So let's cut to the quick. She's kinda cold around her friends, but hot alone?

I would say... give it time. She's probably known the other folks longer, so she may take a while figuring out how she wants to act with you in front of them.

As far as being loud and flirty with "john", and possibly others, but seemingly not so with you. This could be a good thing, I've seen it before, because if she's flirty that's just her personality. If she's not like that with you in public so much, that means you've actually affected her. She is actually thinking about it, instead of just reacting with her "typical" personality. So you've gotten in.

If you're really concerned your best bet is to voice it if this continues for too long. Ask her if she would mind showing some affection in public? Why not?

Since it's a pretty new relationship man, as long as she's being hot with you alone, and she seems into you... fucking enjoy it. It may take a bit for her to figure out what to do in public. Especially if it gets serious... beyond 3 week serious anyhow.

I hope some of this rambling helped. :)
 
I said, "If anyone wants else wants to post, then feel free."

Well thanks for the advice JXLC...I guess that seems possible. I was at her house today and I mean we didn't really flirt much because her parents were there and well..yeah of course that would have been awkward ^ n.

Anyway, it was fun though. We cracked jokes between her parents and us, it was nice. When we are alone her personality does kind of change though. When we're together but with her parents, she'll sit next to me and that's pretty much as far as anything will go. But when we're alone, she'll lie down on the couch and beckon me forth :thumbsup:

Well whatever we'll see how things go. Hopefully they'll go much better than the last relationship, eh? :flamed:
 
Well the question was if she really likes me or not..and if she feels the same way about me or not. I was also questioning if she really was just clinging to this relationship because she didn't want to get out of it or something. I don't want to make out with her constantly and in public, its that she doesn't return the affection that I give her, sometimes even when my friends are not around. I dunno. Nevermind...just read my first post again it's not that complex.
 
Well, in response to Zickddot, what I can say is that there is good news:

1. This is her buhmillionth relationship.
2. I've never brought this whole thing up with her.
3. She thinks that I'm the one out of her league(is that good?).
4. I've told her that I see her as my equal.

So I mean it seems as if I've done everything right...maybe my heart isn't as tough as it needs to be haha. This is probably my third serious relationship..ever...so I guess I'm still kind of raw in that department.
 
Guhh once again, she pulls the whole, "JOHHNNN" thing out of the bag and yet when I show up later in the day, she skulks over in my direction and barely even moans out a, "Hi."

I seriously don't get it. I know I'm not this boring and I'm at least expecting some sort of recognition, a "how are you?" would suffice better than putting off an aura of, "I'm tired. Oh look, my friends. Oh and theres my boyfriend. Yay. Zzzz"

Maybe shes uncomfortable around my friends or something(one of whom happens to be 'John') but I really don't understand. When we're just together shes outgoing and flirtatious but during school she doesn't really say much and is more outgoing...when I'm not around. God I'm so confused. :sad:
 
Back
Top