Aquarius35
New member
Suggestions welcome.
FOUNTAINS
Launched with the hissing of a single spume,
A slender soloist, a comic turn
In such a large and open concrete space,
Surrounded by these flat unwakened eyes,
Whilst hidden harmonies just bide their time.
The water drops: the show is over now?
But shrugs are turned to gasps as passers-by
Look back to liquid murmur in the square:
A force of gushing ghosts roars into air,
All leaping whitely in orchestral glee.
The roar and splash of many fountains' play
In celebration of their joyful song
In full symphonic torrent fills the day:
Well-springs of bliss with streams a hundred strong,
While children laughing dart beneath the spray.
Sorry it wasn't to your taste, Azko.
Perhaps you could demonstrate how you describe fountains in the poetic medium successfully in fewer words? I look forward to your reply.
Perhaps you need a more careful reading: "roars" is grammatically correct, as it's the verb attached to the singular noun "force", not the plural "ghosts". OK?
Have a nice day.
Some more thoughts for Azko:
English is obviously not your native language, so I take any comments you make with a pinch of salt.
"Flouncy"? I'm not sure the word exists, but if it did, it would relate to the verb "to flounce" - "to strut, to move or go with emphatic motion". Hello, to me that sounds like what fountains do. Thanks for the unintentional compliment.
Have another nice day.
FOUNTAINS
Launched with the hissing of a single spume,
A slender soloist, a comic turn
In such a large and open concrete space,
Surrounded by these flat unwakened eyes,
Whilst hidden harmonies just bide their time.
The water drops: the show is over now?
But shrugs are turned to gasps as passers-by
Look back to liquid murmur in the square:
A force of gushing ghosts roars into air,
All leaping whitely in orchestral glee.
The roar and splash of many fountains' play
In celebration of their joyful song
In full symphonic torrent fills the day:
Well-springs of bliss with streams a hundred strong,
While children laughing dart beneath the spray.
Sorry it wasn't to your taste, Azko.
Perhaps you could demonstrate how you describe fountains in the poetic medium successfully in fewer words? I look forward to your reply.
Perhaps you need a more careful reading: "roars" is grammatically correct, as it's the verb attached to the singular noun "force", not the plural "ghosts". OK?
Have a nice day.
Some more thoughts for Azko:
English is obviously not your native language, so I take any comments you make with a pinch of salt.
"Flouncy"? I'm not sure the word exists, but if it did, it would relate to the verb "to flounce" - "to strut, to move or go with emphatic motion". Hello, to me that sounds like what fountains do. Thanks for the unintentional compliment.
Have another nice day.