JOKES ANYBODY PLEASE?

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C0L0MBiANiT0

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U know, just for lightening up another hard day, does anybody know any nice, funny jokes?? any contributions will be gladly accepted, and citations count!
thanks :)
 
A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number.
The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."

To which the man replied, "No sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.

The Redneck said, "I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it."

Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!'
 
A man went to see his doctor for a check up. The doctor said "You are going to have to stop masturbating!" "Why doc?" asked the man. "Because I am trying to examine you"!....
 
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