Joke... Plz comment!! Heheheh...?

[Lauren]

A woman and man want to do it, but the trouble is, she shares a bunk bed with her younger brother. "So that he doesn't know, I'll say lettuce when I want faster and tomatoes when I want to change positions." So they were on the top bunk shouting "LETTUCE! LETTUCE! TOMATOES! TOMATOES! LETTUCE" when the brother shouted "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayonaisse all over me!
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"Okay honey, I got some different flavour c-o-n-d-o-m-s so when I put it in, you tell me what flavour it is." "STRAWBERRY!"
"Wait, it isn't on yet."
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Three daughters had men in their rooms.

When their mother went past the first door she heard screaming.
When she went past the second she heard laughing.
From the third, she heard nothing.

The next morning, she asked the first daughter "Why were you screaming?"
"Mother, you told me to scream when something hurt"
She asked the second "Why were you laughing?"
"Mother, you told me to laugh when something tickled"
Then the third "Why were you silent?"
"Mother, you told me not to speak with my mouth full"




Lol please post some more =]

 

[SammyG]

A vampire goes into a pub and asks for boiling water. The barman says "I thought you only drank blood?" The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm making tea".

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman... She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th-floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in defense of herself. "Your Honor," she began coolly, "I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly."

Three guys are discussing women. "I like to watch a woman's t*ts best, " the first guy says.
The second says "I like to look at a woman's a**." He asks the third guy "What about you?". "Me? I prefer to see the top of her head."

I thought theses were funny hahaha

 

[Arizona]

i had heard the first one before btu its stll funny, the second one not so much, but i liked the third one