it hurts so badly

B

Billary

New member
Please ignore my other thread.

My girlfriend decided it was best for us to take a "break." Apparently I'm too nice of a person and I take the blame for a lot of things I shouldn't.

Whatever it is...it fucking hurts. Right now I just don't know what to feel. It came out of nowhere. Today I was happy, she was happy, I bought her a present and we were going to hang out tomorrow. But out of the blue...now she just wants us to focus on ourselves for a while..

It doesn't necessarily mean things will end but it just makes that option easier for her to fall on. And I don't want her to.

God I fucking feel so shitty. I don't want to kill myself or anything but really...if having your heart just go cold and die feels like this...I don't want to feel like this ever again.

It hurts so fucking badly. God damn it I was so happy. Now everything is null and void. I don't know what to do. I need someone to cheer me up. Someone please help me.

Now's not a good time to tell me I'm 4 years old and that I'm being immature.

Please just...I don't know. I need a hug or something. This is possibly the worst I've ever felt and nothing can make it better any sooner than myself. And it's even harder for me to try and do anything about it cause I never had any problems...she's the one who wanted to put things on hold...

And the sad reality is...the chances of us getting back together is very low. I want her back...I love her so much...and she just feels like we were dating...but at the same time we were more best friends than actually two people being in love.

I don't know. I fucking hurt all over.

I don't like crying. It makes things hurt so much more.
 
When my boyfriend dumped me 2 summers ago, I went complete psycho.

We had had our problems a couple months before, but school was out and we seemed happy.

I asked him to come over after his last final and BOOM. He dumped me.

I was in complete craziness. Once he had left I started screaming. I'd never been so hysterical in my life.

We got back together...several times, in fact. It never worked out- but it hurt less and less each time. Now I'm just completely numb to everything that's associated with him. Oh, except everytime I see him and want to start bawling.

But besides that- I'M GREAT!!

ARGH- ok, that was not advice. uhm...I feel like an idiot telling you what you already know and what you will hear over and over again, but it's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt a lot. You think it hurts now? Wait a couple of days. Wait a couple weeks. WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE HER WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

But it will get better. This I promise you. Of course it will get worse first, but it does get better, yes- and not just because you are becoming used to it.

I hope you have someone to hug over there where you live. I hope there is someone that will listen to you babble incoherently about how you miss her. Because really, the internet isn't enough.

But if you need someone- I'm here, too. :hug2:
 
It sounds like you need to focus man. It seems you really invest a lot in thise short term relationships you've had. They're playing with your heart, and you're a nice guy. The funny thing is, in a few years, after dating the "dangerous" guys they will regret this. They really will. They'll realize there's more to "love" than that little feeling of craziness you get when you date someone wild.

What I meant by focus is this. Fuck man, be happy being your OWN self. It sounds like you can't feel happy without someone else. Why the fuck not? If you are your own person, content with your own life, you'll find it easier to "date" without all the hangups you've been having.

Sure it's easy for me to type, but I've been there I really have. There's more to life than pussy, though that is a fun part, it's not the only part. Don't fool yourself either man. You're wanting these relationships because you want a constant and reliable source of pussy, don't fool yourself. You're male, it's normal. The other flowery stuff is simply a means to an end. Alalyze yourself, you'll see I'm not totally full of shit. Emotions hide the truth sometimes.

Get in touch with your inner self, that animal part, let it help you through the pain, then put it back in the cage. Learn from the monkey, he's always honest if totally stupid.

Amazingly enough, once you're grooving on your own life, content, you'll find someone. It works like that. Weird, but true. It's better than trying one needy relationship after another. Don't be a mat, be the fucking house man.
 
*e-hugs* Well, sorry I can't truly sympathize. For the first time in my life, I'm in a wonderful relationship and couldn't be happier. It's totally normal to feel hurt, though. Especially if you've been in a relationship for a while, or if you really cared for her.

Maybe you need to just talk to her and see what's really up? Give it a day or five, maybe, sort things out in your mind, and then do it. See where you stand first, then find out where she stands.
 
Welsh, I'll close your other thread and reopen it later if you like.

As for the pain. I've been there and I really hope you can hear my advice. I know what it feels like, I know how much it hurts and while what I tell you may seem harsh, or just plain assinine, it really will help.

The pain will fade after a few days. It'll still hurt, and you'll want to listen to her favorite CD and weep. That's fine. Do what you need to do. Just know that it gets easier.

But the advice part, don't dwell on her. If you get a crazy thought in your head that you should call her, don't. Play Nintendo, go hang with friends, beat off... whatever. Just do NOT call.

If you see her in the hall, say "Hey" Don't ask her how she's doing or tell her how much it hurts.

Basically, distance yourself. Don't try to talk to her, if you do talk, don't over analyze what she says. Close yourself off to her a little bit.

Why? For two reasons, 1. if you dwell and push and try to talk it will push her away. If you withdraw and seem "normal" it'll make her wonder if she mattered, it'll make her rethink her choice. If she wants to talk to you she will. Don't go over board, just don't seem all distraut and clingly to her. It sounds like the exact opposite of what you should do but believe someone who's been there and done that a few times... you've got a WAY better chance if you pull back and make her come to you. Mostly because it's the exact opposite of what she's expecting you to do.

Reason 2. If she does decided to end it, you've already prepared yourself emotionally and the sting won't hurt nearly as much.
 
Well thanks for the support guys. It means a lot to me, really, it does.

I talked to my friend Erik last night for 2 hours about this and he understands how I feel and we'll probably talk more today.

I just...god damn it...I don't know. Today is going to suck. I almost don't even want to go to school because seeing her is just going to be such a kick in the face.
 
Uber's given the best advice I've heard for this kind of situation. The hard part is keeping your composure when you see and talk to her.

Personally, I've never trusted women who wanted a "break". It's always seemed to me that people who decide their relationship needs a break are testing the waters elsewhere while trying to keep someone waiting in the wings in case they don't find anything better.
 
1. Cheer up... she hasnt broken up with you yet... she wont if you listen to what she has to say...
2. i take problems that arent mine on all the time and it sucks i know... but let things be someone elses fault some of the time...
3.if she does dump you... live with it the world will keep spinnin :flamed: so dont feel bad
 
I successfully remained myself today. I told a few of my friends...or at least the ones who I knew would actually care. Most said sorry, that kind of thing. I didn't really get all that down today until I got home.

I gave her a ride home like I do every day, and when one of my favorite songs came on my stereo while I was driving home I just started biting my lip again.

Apparently she has some sort of b.s. mini-crush on a good friend of mine...but she says she doesn't want anything out of it. It's just one of those things where you question if she really is testing other waters(tostig's comment, basically) or if she's really telling the truth.

I don't know. Us being friends is fine with me...its just that I read all the cute/mushy notes and shit that are lying around my room...and I still wish we were dating instead. It's not about pussy. It never was. And it bothers the fuck out of me because I tried to be such a good boyfriend. She told me it wasn't my fault and I acknowledge that...I dunno I just don't understand. And I just don't feel like doing anything today.

Again, thanks for the support guys. It means a lot to me.
 
I looked up "It hurts so bad" on Google Image Search and got this awesome picture:

hurtssobadbad.JPG


It wasn't what I was looking for, but it was pretty damn good. I was actually looking for a picture of some pussy emo fag crying to post in this thread, but whatever.
 
Well now you gotta STOP doing that. No more rides. She wants a break, she needs a break. Don't let her use you.

This is part of that dinstancing thing you gotta do. Start being unavailable to give her a ride. Say "Sorry, I have some things I need to take care of, can you catch a ride with someone else?"

It'll be such a 180 she'll wonder what the fuck is going on. Don't be a dick, but don't let her walk on you. If you just tell her you've got some "things" to take care of she'll start to wonder what the hell... don't tell her what they are. Just leave it vague. If she asks just say "Oh stuff for my mom..." or school stuff or something believable but no real details.

If she says "Well, I was hoping we could talk." stick to the guns. Say "Gee, I'm really sorry... can we do it tomorrow or later on tonight?"

And the "gee, can we do it later" thing is something you can practice elsewhere. That's where you stand up for yourself. You're still the nice guy, without letting people walk on you.
 
Well what I can say is that I haven't planned or said anything about any more rides in the future. Tomorrow will probably be a day where I spend most of my time focusing on myself. But the weird thing is...

She said time to herself. And I said that she does have the right to uninvite me and I understand when she needs her own time.

But she invited me into her house today(which I declined to do since she wanted distance and I wasn't about to intrude upon that), and wanted to hang out this weekend.

So for now, I plan on just listening to myself until this weekend...hopefully she will have thought about everything by then and I will have my own thoughts under control to at least talk some things out.

I had a much better day since my last post...I hung out with Erik, a good friend of mine, and basically just spent the day listening to music and hanging out. I plan to do that for the rest of the week pretty much...just not worrying about anything else and avoiding all stress so I can sort out anything that I need to.
 
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