Is this story any good?

  • Thread starter Thread starter AlwaysAlone x
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A

AlwaysAlone x

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For my Original writing coursework, i am writing a short story.
I just came up with this, but i don't know if it is any good, or wither to carry on.
What do you thing? Its only a short piece because i have only just started!
:-
Not again... I woke up today on my floor, what happened this time? I try to stand but fell back down in pain. OUCH! What happened? Still in yesterday’s jeans and shirt! I pulled up my jeans to see my legs and feet covered in bruises and cuts. Across my hard is a deep cut. What happened?
I scan my room for signs of life, or at least something that can tell me what happened last night. Where was Amy? I’m sure we went out together yesterday. Near my desk, a large bottle of vodka. That explains it. Well, half of it anyway, I know now, how it happened, but what was it? Still lying on the floor in pain, I dragged myself to my bed, BLOOD! What was this, oh my god,
 
It's not very clear. I think you should try writing it with a few less questions, and instead use statements, like "Across my hand is a deep cut; I can't seem to remember how I got it. Or when."

Also, the tense isn't clear - is it past, or present?

Also, try and use a few less exclamation marks; it makes it a little too fast paced, and takes away from the plot. Try and use shorter sentences because if you do it right, this could be a real 'hooker', by which I mean people will want to read more, even if it's only a short story.

Good luck :)
 
that si excellent but... try to create more fear and mae it more slow moving just make it more dramatic. But it is very good! well done :)
 
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