Is this poem too self-pitying?

UrSoDumb

New member
Clearly, I'm not in a good mood. I guess I'm posting this just to see if u've felt this way before, too.


Object of Affection
_________________________

The heart has fallen into the freezer again
The eyes have been opened for more than a blink
and finally the true colors are showing
The words don’t always tell what the mind really thinks

The hands are still fighting for control of him
The fingerprints are all over his face
from a caress there, and a kiss for both his cheeks
If the object is lost, the heart loses its place

The grip is desperate, and more tense than usual
The body lies in bed, attempting relaxation
but too many thoughts spin and scream and whine
The girl with the frown had a dark revelation

The heart, the eyes, the mind, the hands,
the fingers, the kiss, the body, and the thoughts
are all imperfect parts of the shattered girl
Can she keep the object happy? She thinks not.
 
I would change the word object. It is insulting to the one you love and dehumanising. The poem is raw but not self pitying.
 
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