Is this poem good? Opinion please?

E

emma H

New member
please give me your true opinion of this poem-

You promised me that we would live happily ever after
But our love only lasted as long as a chapter
We started out loving and strong
But we turned out to be just wrong
Hit after hit
I got tired of being treated like shit
So i packed up all of my things and left
Not one thing to be kept
Reminding you of my leaving
Hopefully you're weeping
As I pull out of the drive
I'm trying to stay alive
 
It doesn't sound very good sorry. I'd give it a 4/10. I get the meaning but try adding details and make it sound more professional i guess.
 
Too dry for a a poem. Too off-rythm to be a rhyme. BUT THESE ARE GREAT LYRICS!~ Love the 'chapter' part.

I would add something before "Hit after hit" to balance out the rhythm, you know, like, "Mile after mile and hit after hit" (for example) because then the next line fits better, rhythm wise.

These are pretty good lyrics- you should create a tune and sing it!
 
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