Is this poem good? (i wrote it)?

D

Dominic L

New member
I wrote this poem, Its my first so might be a little off so any help would be nice. Because i got to read this infront of people


In the time of my demise
People will hug and feel me
All will Look at me
They will all shed tears for me

It will be quiet and cold
My eyes will be closed
Everything around me will freeze
There will be a Red Rose (death)

It will be so quick
so they will wipe there eyes
And move on
In the time of my Demise
 
COUGH* GAY
COUGH *HOMO
COUGH *LAME
COUGH *WHAT A LOSER
COUGH* CHEESY AAHAHA how gay was that
man i feel like i'm sitting in a tub of nacho cheese right now
 
i think its really good i like how you said In the time of my Demise in the beginning and end it's just fits
 
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