is this poem any good? (free verse) author 14 years old?

  • Thread starter Thread starter noneofyabuisness
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noneofyabuisness

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kaleidoscope of thoughts twisting through my mind
jumbling images of blurred florescent signs
and spinning sky

the city's tampered soundtrack,
horns honking, people talking, and the wonderer's song
slurring together into a sluggish hum

unalert, unburdened,
by the things of this world
when syringes pierce the skin
like the siren in the still night sky

but you cant feel it, hear it,
numb to your own distant conscience
watching your dreams float by
because here your aspirations will never expire
preserved by the state of mind

never fazed,
sugar glazed.
 
yes it is good but what is up with the sugar glazed thing i dont get that but everything else was amazing.
 
It's an awesome poem, the last part is kind of weird "Sugar glazed" but overall, it sounds great. But what's the genre of it? From line to line, it skips from topic to topic about a busy city then to how your dreams float by. Its a great poem though!
 
A very good poem.
The only criticism that I could give would be that maybe the amount of similes in each line should be more even to make it more poem like. It would be a good song if you kept it like it is and added more to it.
 
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