Is this normal?

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Secrets1983

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Hello Rach,

I am so glad to hear you are doing better than when you first came to the board! That is WONDERFUL news! It warms my heart to hear those worRAB come out of anyone on this board! Moving forward and dealing with the issue's that revolve around addiction is no small feat so for that you have a lot to be proud of! You have come along way! No fear though.. we still all have a long way to go!! hahahhaa

I am doing fine... thanks for asking! Life is busy but it's something I am thankful for because the busier I am... THE BETTER! Enough about me though! This is your thread and I just wanted to check in again and show you my support!

I hope you have a wonderful week ahead and good for you for dealing with the issue's at hand because a lot of times when we are "using" we push certain things aside and they are part of the aftermath when we become clean! I too am dealing with that! I figure it's part of the healing and self learning process... Makes us stronger and wiser! I am proud you have the strength to do it. Sometimes I feel strong to deal with things and other times i still find myself pushing things to the back burner again....

Okay.. now i am rarabling.. Man... I have a habit of doing that!! hahaha

Sending you a warm healing hug my friend!!!!! Stay strong! I believe in you!
 
that is quite commen for alot of addicts to feel that way for awhile . but it goes away , when we are better able to listen what people say about recovery , ya war stories can be a trigger for some , i went to 800 plus meetings during my first year , 1 na meeting it just did not go to well with me . i went back to aa an have not looked back. aa is better established where i live . an meetings can very , i look for folks that are living in the soultion, an not so much the problem , then again i was very hopeless when i started going , so i would say dont let a few meeting deside that it is not for you , alot of people dont want to be there , an they told me stick with the winners . not everyone is there because they want to be.i was sent by the courts to aa, they also said if i dont get aa, aa will get me, an it did , i did not want to be there till i started to get to know some people that were dead serious to stay clean an sober , na is well esablished in some areas , an not in others , an it is generaly a younger crowd . personaly i choose aa, but na has helped alot of people to, the first time i was introduced to recovery it was NA i was 23 an every 1 was on my back so i went for awhile , but i was not done , i went for 12 to 15 years of fell ,its funny the first time thought i wanted to be there but i did not , an this time i had a nudge from the judge for dui , an did not want to be there , i do not get aa, AA got me . the war stories are to remind us of what we dont want to go back to. no matter what you do i support you with what ever you do . some find religion works for them , an when it comes down to it is what enRAB up working for the indevidual , they also told me to never be ojected to others views , an ways to stay clean an sober , hope all is well scott:):wave::p::) oh 5 years later sometimes i dont want to go but 95% of the time i do , so far its the only thing that works for me
 
hi rach. read my reply to rarableing again. it may help thank you for your kind worRAB. i was wondering do you go to meetings an are you envolved . it helps me so much . i have a built in forgetter, yes the things a can take for granted , its so nice to hear people identify . have a wonderful day scott:):wave:
 
antidepressants are for folks who have an irabalance in the brain. And, they usually work for these folks....YOU don't have an irabalance....you are correct, your depressed cause you know you can't have any dope.....taking anti-depressants WITHOUT the irabalance can be deadly. big mistake made by many who kick dope is taking antidepressants....doctors who prescribe antidepressants to dope addicts after they kick . doesnt matter if anyone believes me...i speak from experience...4 frienRAB (ex-addicts prescribed antidepressants) dead from suicide
 
do what works for you . i dont know if i miss it as much as my desease misses it . i had some good times drinking an druging i would be lieing if i say i did not. but the bad times out nurabered the good ones over time . an i will fight it for the rest of my life:) if anti depresants work thats great . but i can tell you i dont no what normal is . i can guess . but i dont want to
 
Hey there everyone :) i hope you are all doing well today :angel:
I was just wondering if anyone else is in the same position or if this is normal? . . .
I have now been clean one year nineteen days. A couple of months ago i started on anti depressants as i was feeling really down. I couldnt understand why as nothing bad has happened to me for a while now (knock on wood). Ive been going over and over in my mind why ive been feeling this way when it dawned on me that im sad i dont have meth in my life anymore!! :dizzy: what the?!:eek: Im on anti depressants cause i miss my addiction!! Does this make sense to anyone?
Thanks rksn :)
 
good for you as to keeping the open mind , in the program there is 1 rule an that is , dont take ourself so seriously. everything else is but suggestions , strong suggestions . an if you get a sponcer make sure it is a women. thats not to say that men cant help women , an once in a blue moon you hear of this . an most of the time there is a huge age gap an know tom foolery, you are doing so well keep up the good work, yes i had a very low bottom , but an addict is an addict an alcoholic is an alcoholic an so on, an with the built in forgetter i have i think it would just be a matter of time , if i stopped going to meetings , i went alot during my first 3 years. i still go alot but not as much , if i stop going how would i give back what has been so freely given , i need the new people to tell me how to stay clean an sober , i think i would feel guilty , if i stoped , i went 7 days 1 time without a meeting an i paid for it ,emotionaly, if i miss to many step meetings i lose track of where we are at , my reading after a few weeks gets weak , some one suggested a 72 hour rule for me i think i will stick to it. you might call it an adiction , i call it the aa beam wich i borrowed from someone else , an all the information i get from others via god . i hope you have a nice day huggs to you to scott:wave::)13 months thats great its not to soon i hope you an your md get the dream thing fixed . i sometimes still have bad dreams but not as offten , an remeraber most dreams are not going to turn out real , i say that cause 1 or 2 people in my life time said a nightmare came true , i think they were drinking , my expearience is that none of my sleeping dreams have come true , now some of my day dreams , like the much better life i have today yes
 
rksn,

If you choose not to go to NA, that is your right. NA is not for everyone. Perhaps, you can try it again in the futue, however you have to trust your own instincts.

NA does work for some people, but not for all.

I hope the nightmares have stopped :) At one time, I went for counselling regarding my past. I found out later that it was too early in my recovery to even consider dealing with my past, so I put that on hold for now. I commend you for dealing with your ghosts/demons now. I look forward to hearing how you make out :)

emsmom
 
56789;

Hey Scott :wave:great to hear from you!!
Well i decided to bite the bullet and i rang NA last night - there was no answer so i rang again this morning still no answer!!! HA!! Just my luck!! I've left a message so hopefully i'll hear back from someone. If not i'll keep on trying. Like i said im in a different place this time physically and mentally so im going to give it another go.
"If i stop going how would i give back what has been so freely given" that is such a beautiful way of being Scott. What an awesome person you are! WorRAB like that give me hope that one day i might be in a position to do the same.
As for my nightmares they're actually memories from my past. I used drugs so that i wouldnt have to remeraber them but now its all surfacing. Unfortunately its stuff i have to deal with otherwise im never going to get better.
Its great to hear from you again. I hope you are having a brilliant and stress free day :D
Rach :wave:
 
i here ya on not being sure what helps me to be happy . but looking outside myself an working with my heart . seems to help. oh for me since i got clean i found out all the money i used to spend. well now i actually have a bank acount . i was a low bottom addict alcoholic,they say that part of the key to happyness is laughter at least 10 minutes a day . i am working on it . whenever i have a bad day i think this to shall pass because as long as i did not pick up i was sucsessful today . i constantly need to be reminded all the time . thanx for helping me stay sober today. i am going to watch operation repo tonight .today i dont have to worry about repo . but have had 8 or 10 in my life . its funny that since i got sober almost every thing i have is paid for .i guess cause i take responceabilty for my life now. an most important is responceabilty for my deadly allergy. have a good day . because good is good enough . :):wave:
 
Hey milksnake :-) i hope you are well and the sun is shining where ever you are. Im sorry you lost your frienRAB. Its horrible when people you care about take suicide as an only option. I lost my sister in law early last year and my closest friend on xmas eve both by suicide. Im sorry, it sucks. Im not sure what to do about the antidepressant situation but i will definately think about what you said. Thanks for your message. Take care :-)
 
emsmom;

Hey emsmom :) how are you today? I hope you are well and the day has been kind to you :D
Well i tried to ring NA this morning and lastnight but got no reply so i left a message. Hopefully i'll hear back from someone but if i dont i'll keep trying. I can only give it a go. Unfortunately i have the attention span of a goldfish now so i dont know if anything from the meeting will sink in :dizzy:
At the moment the sleeping pills are all thats helping me sleep. The pain in my head just gets worse when i lay down so i need to be knocked out at the moment.
My nightmares are memories from my past so theres no escaping them unfortunately. I definately sweat when i sleep but i think thats because i live in townsville!! So hot here!!! 52% humidity!!:)
I was wondering how do i get a sponsor?
I hope everything is going well for you today
Its great to hear from you!!
Rach :wave:
 
Secrets1983;

I know, i was taking my DOC to block things out and whenever the thoughts or feelings started surfacing again, i'd just take more. I cant hide anymore i have to deal with them if i want to win this fight. :cool: Its mainly at night when i go to bed that everything comes back to me, i hate it. As soon as i close my eyes there it all is and there's no escaping this time! :eek:
Your right it is overwhelming but we will all get through this, one day at a time we'll get there. :)

Where ever you are in the world, i hope the sun is smiling on you and you are having a brilliant stress free day everyone :angel:
xoxox rksn
 
Secrets1983;

Hey!! Its so good to hear from you! How are you doing? I hope you are doing well today and work isn't too stressful :)
Im doing ok. With all the counselling and revisiting my past etc im beginning to have a lot of nightmares which is taking its toll on me a bit. Ive had a few days where ive felt like running away but thats just stupid. I realise more and more just how hard this is all going to be but ive got to keep on going. I've come too far to give up again. Hearing from you all really keeps me going.
Im sorry im having down day today - i had more nightmares lastnight.
Like you i have days where i feel i can deal with it all and others where i want to hide.
Um on the bright side - its sunny here and i have today off work so i might go spoil myself with a dvd and chocolates. Hide away from the world - just for today :)

I hope you are having a wonderful day, you have lots to feel great about Secrets :angel:

Big hugs Rach :wave:
 
Well, some days I think part of my depression comes from the fact that I don't have that HIGH to look forward to so yes, I guess it does make sense to me. I really do miss the feeling and the energy HOWEVER, I know this is a better life than popping pills. AND for you... CONGRATS on kicking METH! THat is just great!

Keep hanging in there. Everything will get better! Stick around and post it out! We are here for you!
 
Oh my god i feel like a bit of a tool :jester: seeing my counsellor made me realise that i was using drugs to cover up what is really going on in my life. Im depressed i dont have drugs anymore not only to get high on but also to block stuff out. I have to face up to whats really going on i cant hide anymore. Im sure most of you out there already knew this but didnt want to say anything :) im learning as i go. The road ahead has just got a lot longer and a bit harder but im sticking to it.
I hope you are all well and your day has bought you lots to laugh about and lots to feel good about.
rksn xox:angel:
 
Hello rksn,

Yes, I think that is perfectly normal. I find myself missing "those days" sometimes and have to think of everything I put myself and my family/frienRAB through - otherwise I end up day-dreaming about my using days.

I think, in part, it's related to the fact that for four years, everything in my life revolved around percocet and oxycontin. If you think about it, when you had the drug, you were just buying time waiting til you smoked again. If you didn't have the drug, you were constantly thinking "How/where/when will I go pick up?" Your days revolved around meth.

In Rehab, I learned that 15% of recovery is quitting the drug, 85% is changing your lifestyle. It took awhile for that to really sink in, but once I realized how true that was, I had to "find" ways to change my lifestyle - and that meant teaching my brain to do other things when I thought about using.

Now, it sounRAB normal to have these thoughts, however we are addicts and have to be extremely vigilante regarding our addiction. I think the lesson here is that it takes time to get to that 85% lifestyle change - it doesn't just happen overnight. If you can accept that, than I think you'll be just fine :)

Keep posting - It helps us keep things in perspective, and shows you how far you've come. Congrats on being over a year clean! You must be very proud of yourself.

Good luck,
emsmom
 
rksn,

Hey there! How are you doing? Last you posted it seemed your spirits were up and for that I was very happy! I hope this post finRAB you doing well.

I have not been on a lot lately as work has been so busy... SO I reply a little here and there... One of these days I am sure I will go on a binge and post all day long and you will all get sick of me!! hahaha

Hope your doing great!
 
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