Is this appropriate in a serious relationship where marriage is discussed?

M

Mary Anne

New member
My bf and I have been together for 2 yrs and he wants to get married. There is a girl he is friends with (his best friend's ex fiance who is trying to date her again) . They hang out, talk, text quite a bit, although the hanging out is normally in groups, but they call or text every day. I have expressed concern about this. he says it's nothing. I went over to his house to meet them for a party we were all going to and he came riding up with her on the back of his motorcycle. I was kind of put off by it, but then thought fine, just friends. Well, last weekend a bunch of them went out; I had other plans and couldn't go. I just saw pictures from the event on a friend's blog, and in it was a picture of my bf with his arms around this girl, his hands on her hips, their bodies facing each other but looking at the camera. Sh eis in pictures with everyone, but NOT like that. I was livid and feel I have every right to be. He insists it's nothing, he would never cheat, etc and is mad that I don't trust him now. I said I have been trusting him, but it's hard to do so with so many things staring me in the face saying there's a little more going on.

Am I overreacting, or is posing for a picture like that inappropriate? He says he can see how it looks like more than friends, but I'm taking it out of context, and if I really knew how things were, I'd see how ridiculous I was being.
I have told him multiple times I think she is interested in him, he insists she isn't.
He thinks it's a trust issue; I think it's a respect issue. If he respected me, he wouldn't be all over her like that in photos and would maybe tone down the calls and texts a bit.
 
Your not overreacting. He has 2 girlfriends, why would you tolerate that? Sounds like the two of them are dating.
 
I don't think you are overreacting. It wouldn't be the first time a woman has decided her ex-fiance's best friend looks pretty datable. He is too friendly with her, and the very fact that it bothers you should make him want to create some space between himself and this woman. But is he this way only with this woman, or is he touchy-feely with other women, too? It is possible that all this closeness is being instigated by this woman, but he is playing right into her hands, either on purpose or through convenient "ignorance".

If he really knew how things are, he would not be defending his inappropriate behavior. He'd be cleaning up his act.
 
If you feel like there is something more to their friendship then there probably is, but it may not mean that he is cheating, just explain that you don't like the idea of him spending so much time around this girl and that if he wants to make a life with you he needs to show you how much you mean to him. If he truly loves you he will do anything to please you!
 
if he hasn't already he will have sex with her, that pic was very provocative, they say one picture tells a million words. she is after him and she is doing her best to let him know. and he is playing along, YES he would cheat. as soon as she spreads her legs he certainly would.
 
Honey you are not being ridiculous. I'd tell him..."We are supposed to be thinking about getting married. I will not tolerate her in our life. If you respect me and love me, you'll get rid of that friendship. I don't like it and I'm not comfortable with it." If he loves you and respects you, he'll get rid of that piece of crap. In your gut, you know she likes him. Trust yourself, honey. Our guts are never wrong! He may be loyal to you but she's up to something. But in any event, YOU as his to-be-wife should be the most important person out there. If you're not, find yourself a new potential husband. Because you're going to want to spend the rest of your life with someone who's got your back. Good luck to you.
 
It is possible that he is telling the truth. I had a female friend that I loved dearly. I was also dating someone else at the time. The only difference here is that my girlfriend and my female friend also became very good friends and my girlfriend knew there was nothing going on. Also, my girlfriend was almost always around when I saw my female friend and knew there was no hanky panky going on. My female friend was my best man (woman) at my wedding. My female friend passes away a few years ago from diabetes and I really miss her. The point is, if he is what he says she is then you should get to know her better and be there when they are together. You just might like her or at least find out the truth.
 
I doubt he is cheating, if he were he wouldn't flaunt it like that. Personally, I don't think you're overreacting because it can be seen as very inappropriate from where you're standing. If I saw it for example and knew they were friends, I probably wouldn't read anything into it. Obviously you can't control who he sees, but if he is going off somewhere in a group with her maybe go along too rather than asking him to not go at all.
 
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