Is this a good starting paragraph/blurb?

R

Ralphie

New member
The world is dying, and it's my entire fault. I never meant to hurt anyone. I would take the weight of the world on my shoulders to erase what I've done, to rewind time. My heart is full of regret and guilt. And now I stare into the eyes of the person who I have hurt the most. A tear falls from my eye. No one deserves this. Not at all. Now I must lift my shame to higher levels by telling the tale of how I doomed the world, and literally stole a heart away.




If it helps I'm 13 and I want to write well enough to grab attention.
Also how would I start the next bit?
its a kind a scifi im planning
Dont want a scifi now so im deciding what i can do wth it - ay ideas? Also is there a level for this piece?
 
A tear falls from my eye is sounding kinda awkward
I would suggest:
"Regret and shame concocted a potion in secret and were careless enough to let it boil down over the brim of my eyes."
"No one deserved this.none at all."
"If there was any thing that could be classified and put down as the toughest thing on this planet:it had to breaking the heart of someone who trusts you.yes it had to be that!"
This would be better..
Ideas to continue:how you managed to lift souls off the bodies and managed to control them all.making them all your puppets.and how it all got outta control at one point,and led to the ultimate collapse of the master plan.
 
That's really good. It makes you want to read on. Next begin to tell but keep things mysterious. Don't give too much away at once. Make the reader not want to put the book down. You're a very gifted writer.
 
Back
Top