Is this a good start for a book?

C

Chi Chi

New member
boom!crash! A stranger just broke in! i could hear glass shattered everywhere!Heart thudding and knees shaking Could hear footsteps on the other side of the door.i just hid under my blue bed covers in my room. My dirty blonde hair was barely showing. the moonlight shone through my lime green curtains just enough so i could see.

I could hear the footsteps coming closer and closer. like thunder getting louder an louder. suddenly it all stopped.Silence! I couldnt help but to fall asleep. Ihad a dream that i was flying over mountains and seas with myteddy bear, captainsnuggles. the sun glisned in the pail blue waters. it was amazing.
 
You have quite a few grammatical errors that you may want to correct. Apart from that though, it seems fine based upon the age I am assuming you to be.
 
Yea, it starts with a BOOM! Try changing all the "I could hear" to "I heard" Drop "just" Get rid of that adverb "barely," get rid of that other "just." Drop "like" and "but." The last sentence is great, but you don't need to add "it was amazing." Try to be more direct. It is a good start and the reader wants to know where you are taking us.
 
Back
Top