Hey :}
Sorry it is long, I have no one to review my ideas, anyone I can ask just doesn't care or will say it's good no matter what. This is the only place I know to get peoples honest opinions.
The story starts out in Redwood, Michigan (a town I made up) with the storys protagonist, Serah Dahson, a seventeen year old girl. Begins with her and three of her best friends in the local park on the hiking trails leading out into the woods. Her friend Lynzee had led them out there to perform a ritual meant to bring good fortune. The spell was meant to be for fun, not actual results expected.
So the spell was done. It required a stone one of the friends bought to go with the spell and the blood of a virgin. The odd requirement was dismissed by the group and the ritual was done as instructed.
Barely two weeks later after leaving a party at a student from her schools house upsetted from a fight with her boyfriend, Serah makes her way home. On her way there she is approached by a man. A man who was insearch of the person whos blood was used in that ritual. The man takes on a more demonic visage and after a bit of a chase nearly kills her with a three clawed stab to the chest. Right before she passes out she glimpses a being that appeared cloaked in white light.
Five days later she awakens in a hospital. No one appears to know what happened, only saying a man brought her in to the ER and left shortly after.
She gets out of the hospital and over the course of the next few weeks she notices changes within herself (powers still being determined) and a marking on her back that looks like a tattoo of angel wings. (I thought of when her wings are not out that they are a tattoo on her back.)
Putting a idea together, she starts attending the church in town listening to the service. One of the days she gets the courage to go up to the priest and talks to him about angels, if they're real, and trying to explain things she has been noticing without sounding like a nut. Serah doesn't get much help from him and leaves.
About a block down from the church, she notices she is being followed and is confronted by a man by the name of Anthony Krathen. He, having overheard her conversation with the priest, says he can help her. Serah denys any help since last time she spoke with a stranger following her she was nearly killed and hurrys home.
Serah tries forgetting everything that happened and attempts returning to a normal life.
Time passes some more, and on her way home she is kidnapped and wakes up in a apartment tied to a chair with a pentagram drawn on the floor beneath.
Anthony Krathen is there and confronts her. Thinking she is a demon for alot of signs point to it, he tries finding out information. Saying that people have been showing up murdered since she was attacked the one night and that supernatural beings of dark nature have been flocking to the town since then. That all he knows is that it has something to do with her.
Serah manages to escape when he's not looking though, a short fight sequence and she dashes out the door.
Arriving home, she files a report with the police.
No news of his capture turns up though. And as time goes on, a dance at highschool comes up. Her and her friends go.
About halfway into the night she hears something going on in the schools courtyard. Since no one else seemed to have heard it she dismisses it, but hearing the noise again goes to check it out.
Out in the courtyard she finds her friend Melanie laying on the ground. Getting closer she notices blood and rushes over. When she gets there though the normally sweet girl Melanie takes on a completly different persona and attacks her. Having been possessed by a demon. Saying stuff like that they had attacked the wrong one. That the body she was in was the one that had to die. That tonight it be corrected and their master would be free.
A fight goes on and at the end of it the demon possessing Melanie takes the knife she's holding and thrusts it into her own heart just as others come out of the gym having heard a fight. The death appears as if Serah murdered her, since she was besides the body, hurt herself, and didn't have the best reputation in town or the best friends to hang out with. Serah gets arrested and put in jail.
Later the night at the police stations cells, Anthony Krathen appears to her and since he's helped the police tons of times in the past, takes her from her cell under the cover of transporting her to where the trial be held. He takes her out of town to where he lives and offers to help her, not believing she was a demon anymore after having done more research but instead under the suspicion that she has been infected by angel blood. Since he's a ex slayer he offers to train her, thinking she'd be a use to society. That or he'd take her to the trial in the morning and let her go to prision for a murder she didn't committ.
After a long debate she agrees to his h
Alot more happens, especially in the parts that I skipped time above, I just tried to summarize it up the best I could. The other things would have made this post longer.
Other important details I left out were. That in the ritual, it wasn't one to bring good fortune. It was one to break a seal on a demon who was imprisioned in hell three years ago by angels. It was thought to be one for good fortune since it was sold at a pawn shop who just wanted rid of it, not really knowing what it would do. That when the ritual required virgin blood, and when used in it, the blood was tied to the seal. The one whos blood was used now had to die for the seal to be broken and the demon to be freed. This demons also my antagonist.
That the being of light that saved Serah from death was a angel. He saved her because he senced a demon in that town and went to face it. The angel was on his way to death row for previous actions in heaven hours earlier. He wished to give people someone to protect them, si
since angels don't nessisarily take care of the smaller threats, just the big threats against the world. Since Serah was about to die herself, he gave her life and in return she'd have to carry out his hope and fight the supernatural or be killed by them.
So... I explained the first part story. I'm writing it out like episodes so it's meant to be long in parts.
So, does it sound good? Should I edit or take out anything? Is this something you'd read?
It features other supernatural creatures as well, not just angels and demons. That's just how it starts.
So, constructive critisism is appreciated.
Thank you :}
Sorry it is long, I have no one to review my ideas, anyone I can ask just doesn't care or will say it's good no matter what. This is the only place I know to get peoples honest opinions.
The story starts out in Redwood, Michigan (a town I made up) with the storys protagonist, Serah Dahson, a seventeen year old girl. Begins with her and three of her best friends in the local park on the hiking trails leading out into the woods. Her friend Lynzee had led them out there to perform a ritual meant to bring good fortune. The spell was meant to be for fun, not actual results expected.
So the spell was done. It required a stone one of the friends bought to go with the spell and the blood of a virgin. The odd requirement was dismissed by the group and the ritual was done as instructed.
Barely two weeks later after leaving a party at a student from her schools house upsetted from a fight with her boyfriend, Serah makes her way home. On her way there she is approached by a man. A man who was insearch of the person whos blood was used in that ritual. The man takes on a more demonic visage and after a bit of a chase nearly kills her with a three clawed stab to the chest. Right before she passes out she glimpses a being that appeared cloaked in white light.
Five days later she awakens in a hospital. No one appears to know what happened, only saying a man brought her in to the ER and left shortly after.
She gets out of the hospital and over the course of the next few weeks she notices changes within herself (powers still being determined) and a marking on her back that looks like a tattoo of angel wings. (I thought of when her wings are not out that they are a tattoo on her back.)
Putting a idea together, she starts attending the church in town listening to the service. One of the days she gets the courage to go up to the priest and talks to him about angels, if they're real, and trying to explain things she has been noticing without sounding like a nut. Serah doesn't get much help from him and leaves.
About a block down from the church, she notices she is being followed and is confronted by a man by the name of Anthony Krathen. He, having overheard her conversation with the priest, says he can help her. Serah denys any help since last time she spoke with a stranger following her she was nearly killed and hurrys home.
Serah tries forgetting everything that happened and attempts returning to a normal life.
Time passes some more, and on her way home she is kidnapped and wakes up in a apartment tied to a chair with a pentagram drawn on the floor beneath.
Anthony Krathen is there and confronts her. Thinking she is a demon for alot of signs point to it, he tries finding out information. Saying that people have been showing up murdered since she was attacked the one night and that supernatural beings of dark nature have been flocking to the town since then. That all he knows is that it has something to do with her.
Serah manages to escape when he's not looking though, a short fight sequence and she dashes out the door.
Arriving home, she files a report with the police.
No news of his capture turns up though. And as time goes on, a dance at highschool comes up. Her and her friends go.
About halfway into the night she hears something going on in the schools courtyard. Since no one else seemed to have heard it she dismisses it, but hearing the noise again goes to check it out.
Out in the courtyard she finds her friend Melanie laying on the ground. Getting closer she notices blood and rushes over. When she gets there though the normally sweet girl Melanie takes on a completly different persona and attacks her. Having been possessed by a demon. Saying stuff like that they had attacked the wrong one. That the body she was in was the one that had to die. That tonight it be corrected and their master would be free.
A fight goes on and at the end of it the demon possessing Melanie takes the knife she's holding and thrusts it into her own heart just as others come out of the gym having heard a fight. The death appears as if Serah murdered her, since she was besides the body, hurt herself, and didn't have the best reputation in town or the best friends to hang out with. Serah gets arrested and put in jail.
Later the night at the police stations cells, Anthony Krathen appears to her and since he's helped the police tons of times in the past, takes her from her cell under the cover of transporting her to where the trial be held. He takes her out of town to where he lives and offers to help her, not believing she was a demon anymore after having done more research but instead under the suspicion that she has been infected by angel blood. Since he's a ex slayer he offers to train her, thinking she'd be a use to society. That or he'd take her to the trial in the morning and let her go to prision for a murder she didn't committ.
After a long debate she agrees to his h
Alot more happens, especially in the parts that I skipped time above, I just tried to summarize it up the best I could. The other things would have made this post longer.
Other important details I left out were. That in the ritual, it wasn't one to bring good fortune. It was one to break a seal on a demon who was imprisioned in hell three years ago by angels. It was thought to be one for good fortune since it was sold at a pawn shop who just wanted rid of it, not really knowing what it would do. That when the ritual required virgin blood, and when used in it, the blood was tied to the seal. The one whos blood was used now had to die for the seal to be broken and the demon to be freed. This demons also my antagonist.
That the being of light that saved Serah from death was a angel. He saved her because he senced a demon in that town and went to face it. The angel was on his way to death row for previous actions in heaven hours earlier. He wished to give people someone to protect them, si
since angels don't nessisarily take care of the smaller threats, just the big threats against the world. Since Serah was about to die herself, he gave her life and in return she'd have to carry out his hope and fight the supernatural or be killed by them.
So... I explained the first part story. I'm writing it out like episodes so it's meant to be long in parts.
So, does it sound good? Should I edit or take out anything? Is this something you'd read?
It features other supernatural creatures as well, not just angels and demons. That's just how it starts.
So, constructive critisism is appreciated.
Thank you :}