Is there any way to get a father to actually care about his child?

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Katkat - Needing a Hug

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I've reposted this here because you good people of Current Events are always very knowledgable and helpful - and a lot of you are parents :)


My son is 18 months old, and myself and his Dad split 3 months ago. Since then, he has seen baby more or less every week - for about 3 hours a week, and paid sporadically. He refuses to keep to a scheduled day each week, and only pays what he wants when he wants, despite my asking him to be regular with both the amount and when he gives me money.

When he calls me, it's to moan at me about one thing or another - even at one point, his new girlfriend! He never asks about Finn - he never asks what he's learnt/done, how he's been or if he's well. When he's come to see him, he sits on the sofa watching TV or texting people rather than actually playing with him.
When he's taken him out (which is twice) he's taken him to the pub, and only kept him about an hour each time.

He claims that he's putting Finn first, but I really can't see that. He even blew him out one weekend in order to go away to see the new woman.

Is there something, *anything* I can do to try and make him be the Dad my gorgeous boy deserves?
Smile Ern hun it's OK - I'm slowly coming round to the fact that unfortunately you're right.
 
Here I am again, and it looks like everyone else is too. I like Filya 's answer. You are so young, pretty and intelligent. I have a single son, maybe I should introduce him to you. LOL
 
I've answered the t'other as well...But isn't it nice to see looking at these answers that there are lots of decent blokes out there as well?

Finn will be one of them at least x
 
You can't make him be a good dad if he doesn't want to be hun, and it sounds like he doesn't. Allow him to see Finn if he wants to for Finn's sake but don't expect too much from him because it sounds like he will keep letting you down. You can arrange for proper financial support to be made if needs be but if he is not interested in his own child then there's nothing you can do to change that, however frustrating it may be. Save your energy for your boys, Finn will always know who was there for him and who wasn't.
 
I am sorry to say there isn't, you can only hope he will see the error of his ways sooner rather than later, children are to be cherished in every way some of us know this and some of us have to learn the hard way unfortunately.
 
Sorry but you can't get this asswipe to mean anything to his son. Next time he turns up on your doorstep park his derrie air down and explain as you would A 11year old (and Yes i'm a male to) that he needs to set a definite day,time to call and that he has to keep to this agreement, tell him gently you don't like him going to the pub with him and walks in the parks can be more beneficial, and after this little reminder HIT him in the goolags about his financial responsibility the mite has to have food in his teeny weeny belly and diapers on his ass and you really need to know that this is something you have to depend on. b.o.luck from "n" ole man i'll give u a HUG
 
Not a really nice man at all, the pub is not a place to bring a child anyway what is wrong with a game of football in a park. Not a dad myself but I always will remember my dad for the blackberry picking on a Sunday with the family or the game of football in the park. All dads are not perfect and neither was he but he really believed in having some time with his kids.
 
Hard to say without knowing him but he sounds typical of quite a few I've met. Frankly I don't think there's much you can do as it sounds as though he hasn't yet learnt nor understood his responsibilities. Seems like he's not going to have you telling him them either. If he's interested he wouldn't need telling, he'd be willing. I feel rotten typing this now.
 
Sorry but your ex has different priority's at the moment ie new girlfriends
You don't say how old he his I bet he's young and really does'nt want responsibility with a young one but trying to do the right thing because he feels GUILTY
 
No. Either you have a natural tendency to be a 'good' father or not. Your Ex has clearly demonstrated that he is not. The best thing that you can do for your little boy is meet another man who will love your son as if he was his own son.

Good luck.
 
my dad left my mum when she was pregnant with my little Brother and i was 1 1/2 years old.
we had ALOT of tough times. we lived in a horrible house for a couple of years. we struggled alot. but in the end my father regretted his decisions and i think i am a stronger person from my experiences. im 15 now, but im still pretty sure i ill be a good person when i grow up and a functional member of society.
you sound like a good mother and i think even though you may be struggling now your son will learn like i did that his mother is the strongest person he knows because of these circumstances.
I hope you live a happy life with your gorgeous son! but im afraid there is nothing you can do with your ex- he'll come around eventually and if he doesn't that's his loss!
 
Unfortunately there's nothing you can do. He sounds like a complete a*sehole. My friends little boy's father has never even seen him (he is 6) and the child is going through a really hard time just now, qwondering why his Dad wont see him. When my friend got in contact with the father to see if he would see his son, he said he needed time to think, then never got back in contatct. It's hard to believe that these idiots actually exsist, but at the end of the day, do you want your son to have a Dad who is only there because he is forced to be? You sound like a great Mum, and your son will be much better without this man in his life!!
 
All I know is that I loved and cared for my children when they were growing up. Now that they are adults, I still feel the same, It is just natural for a normal father.
 
Hi katkat, unfortunately the answer is No you can't make him care, but your there for your two boys and that will be enough...
I know it can make your blood boil, and it saddens your own heart to see & watch this, as it would, but realistically there is nothing you can do!!

One day he will grow up and it will be too late, because your boys won't want to know!!
 
not to sound rude, but maybe you should be more careful about who you have babies with in the first place.

as far as whats going on today, you should keep your son a top priority and tell that father to go F*** himself

18 month old babies don't need to be in Pubs

maybe someday he will grow up and take responsibility, but until then you need to put your foot down and protect your boy

you only get 1 chance to do it right.

good luck
God Bless
 
Well, it looks like you've got yourself in a sticky situation. I have no experience personally, but my friend is in the same situation. She is 5 years older than me, but we get along because of shared interests, and we talk alot. I think the best thing to do is just accept hes gone, and face the world. Loads of people are single parents, and there are loads of websites e.t.c. that help people with problems like these. Just google what you want, and loads of helpful adfvice comes up.

Hope it helps.

Best of luck.
 
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