Is there a "right" & "wrong"

[linda321]

I am a first time of this or any other site I have a daughter -26- who has been a herion addict for 14 years. I have been through most any sernario related to addiction-OD, intensive care, rebabs, running away from rehab- freinRAB deaths, clean perioRAB, stealing from me--i guess i could go on for an hour. After 2 years on methadone, T. decides to get off methodone so she will have a clear head to go to college.(i know- the ups& downs) she stopped going to school and relapsed. At Thanksgiving i brought her and her boyfreind home for a week(she met boyfreind at rehab as she detoxed off metnodone. Not knowing she qiut school and was using again, she took my credit card each day and bought a couple hundred dollar gift carRAB each day. When she returned home i did bills and discovered this..She had done this to me a couple years ago. after all that we endured, I pressed charges. Long story short-probation. I reported the theft again the first of deceraber. still waiting for anything to happen. She did go into rehab a couple days later--told her landlord i was paying rent. i told him her history. he threw them out that nite. Next day wen;t to rehab. 3 weeks later-shes out and wants me to drop the charges.She has seen the light!-yeah right. when this comes to the courts she'll probably do jail time. in my mind- shell be cllean and alive. She tells me she is going to go to a long term treatment-3-6 months. that's long term? Is there hope? is jail the answer? Is there an alternative? Years ago I wanted her to go to teen challenge usa. now i want her to go she says a year in a religious get a way isn't right for her. Oh well- God led me to this site. I hope someone can speak to me and lead me down the right path. May God bless you all.

 

[starsunmoon]

well , SHE has to be ready' . thats it . You really cant DO anything about her recovery . You can make sure your not enabling .. which it sounRAB as if she knows you are not falling for all her lies' anymore. I dont know that jail' would be the right answer. You can stand up in court and ask the judge to place her into a rehab' instead of jail, It will be his choice, but your voice can be heard. It can be done in as little as a week !! WHEN SHE IS READY TO BE SOBER. ~~ Addiction is a place we hide' because the reailty of life sucks. It takes some longer than others to see how happy they CAN live drug free. I pray for you and your daughter and I hope for the best, just let her know you love her and would love to see her healthy and sober one day . that is really all you can do . I am new here, as of today .. So Please let others speak to you as well . hope all goes well and your life becomes less stressful .We as addicts' dont see the hurt and trouble we DO put our loved ones in . God bless you and your family ~

 

[reachout]

Hello Linda

Welcome to the board.

I am sorry to meet you under such heart-wrenching circumstances. Any time our child puts them in jeopardy, we suffer right along with them. I know that you are hurting because our child will always be our child no matter what.

Are you doing the right thing? In my opinion, you are doing the exactly right thing. Exactly right. She has passed the age of home discipline and has reached the age where she neeRAB grown up discipline. She neeRAB to face court to face the severity of her actions.

Gently, from where I sit, she is still working an addictive mind on you. She went to rehab for 3 weeks after being thrown out of her apartment? Of course she did... it was a roof over her head. Now she is "going to go" into a long term program... but of course that happens when charges are dropped. Not before? Not already? She is playing addict games, that's all. Solve the immediate problem and worry about the next one tomorrow. Addicts do not face life or reality and will say or do most anything to stay in their drug-induced unreality.

I crossed the line with opiate painkillers and benzos myself. I fought the reality of what I was becoming for a long time. Then I just fought all reality period. I existed in a drug haze until neither my body, brain nor spirit could take it any more. Complete, complete breakdown. Non-functioning, non-caring. That is what finally made me face reality and work to get off all the narcotics. My life is whole again and happy. Your daughter's can be also.

We don't come to terms with our drug use and find the courage and desire to stop the merry-go-round until something forces us to. For me, it was a breakdown. Perhaps for your daughter it will be jail time or whatever consequences the court decides. Let the chips fall where they may as is the rule of Life in this natural world. You are not forsaking your daughter at all; you are allowing her to understand the consequences in this world for our actions as an adult. How she allows those consequences to affect her life is on her. Don't carry the responsibility of her actions and issues on yourself anymore. Encourage her when it is possible, but do not enable her in any way any more.

Have you ever attended a Nar-Anon meeting? An Al-anon meeting? If not, please, please make the effort to do so. It can be such a great support for you to learn about how others in this situation deal with it. It can bring peace of mind to you.

A child can certainly fall off the path, but just as surely can get back on it again. The child, however, must find her own way back.

In peace and hope
reach

 

[mel486]

Hi linda321 - welcome to the board. Like ReachOut said, I believe you are doing the right thing. Maybe jail time will finally convince her that she neeRAB to change her ways. Only she can make that decision. Don't fall for the "I'm sorry and I've changed" routine. Don't give in. She neeRAB that push to help her to reach rock bottom. She neeRAB long-term assistance to get to the root of her problem and get the help that she neeRAB. It's hard to put your child behind bars, but it may be the push she neeRAB to finally figure out that she has a problem and neeRAB to solve it for good. Good Luck to you!