Is my writing style competent? Any suggestions for improvement?

L

Louis de Pointe du Lac

New member
Drowning in a mixture of piss, feces, and bleach, two things went through my head. The first: Ami I going to die? I flailed, I spluttered, my legs thrashed about behind me, hands supporting me with a vice-like grasp on the grimy toilet rim. A hand pressed down on the back of my head and applied such a fierce pressure that there was no hope of my emerging. Their laughter came from above and around me through the swishing in and out of the water in my ears. It came as if from miles away, from the opposite end of a tunnel, from an ear pressed to a seashell. The second: I was going to kill them. This didn't come as a succinct thought but as a mantra; it came again and again and again Visions behind my lids of the blade slowly being dragged along their flesh, and watch!-- how the blood trickles from their open wounds-- and observe how they protest and beg for mercy? Mercy! No, no, no, my friends. Much too late for that.

I'm so frustrated with my writing style. It's so average and bland to me. Please, help me improve.
 
if you find your style average and bland, then firstly, use thesaurus.com to broaden your vocab, and secondly, read books of the genre you like to write for, which will help you think of plots and learn the structure better :)
 
if you find your style average and bland, then firstly, use thesaurus.com to broaden your vocab, and secondly, read books of the genre you like to write for, which will help you think of plots and learn the structure better :)
 
Its good =] I like it but its just a small thing. At the beginning you say piss which is more slang but the rest of your writing is more 'well spoken' which is good its just that that one sentence couldve been written by someone else. I think you're good though =]
 
Its good =] I like it but its just a small thing. At the beginning you say piss which is more slang but the rest of your writing is more 'well spoken' which is good its just that that one sentence couldve been written by someone else. I think you're good though =]
 
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