I'm not posting links or anything like that, I got 4 violations yesterday for four questions I asked, and they were all the same question (they wouldn't show on the index for some reason).
My writing:
“Don’t mock me; I know what it is and where it came from.”He shouted, Eveck ran through his mind the memories of the last few days, he’d seen no sign of life, and not even the trees had leaves or the moss that grew up them. He remembered there was no light; the sun was the only light they had until they were captured by Scott and the others.
His eyes widened and he started to breathe heavier, “The Earth, outside...are they responsible for it?”He breathed, Scott struggled to speak; Eveck’s grip was vicelike and wouldn’t loosen no matter how hard he tried, “Yes!”He coughed, Eveck threw him to the wall and stopped time, and he sprinted.
He was moving so fast everything around him was a blur, he was running as fast as he could, even though it wouldn’t make any difference; time was paused. He burst through a wall, rage drove him, he couldn’t believe that they’d tried to destroy him and ignored his last words.
He crashed through another wall and found them, Amy was moving; she glanced towards him. He raised his fist and headed towards Arieos, his fist coated with flame.
****
Arieos woke up, she’d gone to bed as soon as she’d seen one. She yawned and threw the covers off, glancing towards Amy and Shara she shouted “Wake up!”Amy opened one eye and swung her legs over the bed, she hopped from the top bunk and landed by the door. Shara crawled out and asked, “Where am I?”
“I’ll show you in a second, you two have to get checked up; I’ll show you the way.”Arieos yanked Shara from her bed and escorted them to the room she’d been in the night before, unlike the rest of the building, this room was red not black and white.
A woman in blue shot from a chair and ran over to the desk, “You’re here for scanning, right?”She asked, Arieos nodded and she pulled a small blue device that looked strangely like a mobile phone out.
She pointed it at Shara and it beeped, “Fine.”She grumbled and she moved to Amy “Fine.”She repeated, Arieos nudged Amy and Amy asked “Do you know where we could get some food?”
The woman glanced at her and laughed “Too late now, you do know its twelve?”Arieos’ jaw dropped and she gasped “How could we have slept that long?!”Amy smiled and looked at Shara; she was standing there, staring straight ahead.
She glanced back towards Arieos and replied “Well, we hadn’t slept in a long time!”None of them moved. “Hello?”She mumbled, she heard a crash somewhere to her left and the wall caved in, Eveck. She saw him raise a flaming fist; he was heading for Arieos.
She jumped in front of Arieos and clamped her eyes shut as the blow struck her. She felt like she was on fire, she fell down on one knee and screamed as all her senses screamed back at her, everything felt like it was exploding around her.
Arieos felt the force of the blow and was knocked into the wall behind Amy, Shara was blown to Arieos' left and the wall behind the doctor woman collapsed on top of her. “My last words and you couldn’t listen to me, even then!”Eveck rasped.
Arieos touched her head and glanced at her hand; blood. “What?”She cried, he growled incoherently and the building shook. “The Earth Arieos!” He shouted, she gasped in confusion, “You can restore...the Earth, you can bring everyone back, and you have your powers. You can give me mine, bring Mateus and Ariel back and still...save the Earth.”
Eveck erupted into flames and he screamed “You will never be one of us again! Ariel and Mateus will stay dead, and they’ll never come back!”The air around him threatened to catch fire and shimmered around him, the ashes from his clothes floated to the ceiling.
“The sun cryst is gone, you destroyed it so I cannot bring them back; I’m not strong enough.”He rasped, Arieos scrambled to her feet and stood in front of Eveck, “You know, your brother was the one we loved.”She replied, Arieos could feel every ripple and twist in the air, she could feel everything; the entire world.
Eveck stood there and looked down, he could feel Arieos in front of him; he didn’t need to look. He glanced up and saw Amy still on one knee, gasping for air and coighing up blood.He whispered “I’m going to give you two choices, stay with me and I’ll help you find Death or find him yourself.”
Arieos glanced at the ceiling; a mark was being scorched into it, in their own language. She kept her eyes on the ceiling as she mumbled “Death, that is not his name, why do you call him Death?”Eveck glanced at Shara; she was lying motionless in a corner.
“Because death follows him, he’s my brother, and yet he tried to kill me over and over again. He doesn’t know who he is and I don’t either, when you and the others decided to tear me into three, it ref
<continuation from that ^^>reflected back onto him. Making him unstable, he’s insane, and he’ll try to kill you before you have a chance to do anything.” He replied harshly.
“The words on the ceiling, once you read them out...that’s it, you’ll have your physical and mental abilities back. You will be an elemental in every way, your swords will answer your call and you will be transported from this building.”He paused for a moment, the fire surrounding him beginning to calm.
He continued “There’s one drawback, you come back and I will wipe you from time itself. You will have never existed, do you understand?”As he stood the air around him cracked and shimmered blue, as if waiting for a response, Arieos mumbled “Yes...”The lights flickered and the screens shut down, Arieos glanced at the black windows and saw it splitting.
I wasn't asking for "Beta" reading...I'd send it to an editor if I wanted suggestions etc.
I was asking if it was good enough.
My writing:
“Don’t mock me; I know what it is and where it came from.”He shouted, Eveck ran through his mind the memories of the last few days, he’d seen no sign of life, and not even the trees had leaves or the moss that grew up them. He remembered there was no light; the sun was the only light they had until they were captured by Scott and the others.
His eyes widened and he started to breathe heavier, “The Earth, outside...are they responsible for it?”He breathed, Scott struggled to speak; Eveck’s grip was vicelike and wouldn’t loosen no matter how hard he tried, “Yes!”He coughed, Eveck threw him to the wall and stopped time, and he sprinted.
He was moving so fast everything around him was a blur, he was running as fast as he could, even though it wouldn’t make any difference; time was paused. He burst through a wall, rage drove him, he couldn’t believe that they’d tried to destroy him and ignored his last words.
He crashed through another wall and found them, Amy was moving; she glanced towards him. He raised his fist and headed towards Arieos, his fist coated with flame.
****
Arieos woke up, she’d gone to bed as soon as she’d seen one. She yawned and threw the covers off, glancing towards Amy and Shara she shouted “Wake up!”Amy opened one eye and swung her legs over the bed, she hopped from the top bunk and landed by the door. Shara crawled out and asked, “Where am I?”
“I’ll show you in a second, you two have to get checked up; I’ll show you the way.”Arieos yanked Shara from her bed and escorted them to the room she’d been in the night before, unlike the rest of the building, this room was red not black and white.
A woman in blue shot from a chair and ran over to the desk, “You’re here for scanning, right?”She asked, Arieos nodded and she pulled a small blue device that looked strangely like a mobile phone out.
She pointed it at Shara and it beeped, “Fine.”She grumbled and she moved to Amy “Fine.”She repeated, Arieos nudged Amy and Amy asked “Do you know where we could get some food?”
The woman glanced at her and laughed “Too late now, you do know its twelve?”Arieos’ jaw dropped and she gasped “How could we have slept that long?!”Amy smiled and looked at Shara; she was standing there, staring straight ahead.
She glanced back towards Arieos and replied “Well, we hadn’t slept in a long time!”None of them moved. “Hello?”She mumbled, she heard a crash somewhere to her left and the wall caved in, Eveck. She saw him raise a flaming fist; he was heading for Arieos.
She jumped in front of Arieos and clamped her eyes shut as the blow struck her. She felt like she was on fire, she fell down on one knee and screamed as all her senses screamed back at her, everything felt like it was exploding around her.
Arieos felt the force of the blow and was knocked into the wall behind Amy, Shara was blown to Arieos' left and the wall behind the doctor woman collapsed on top of her. “My last words and you couldn’t listen to me, even then!”Eveck rasped.
Arieos touched her head and glanced at her hand; blood. “What?”She cried, he growled incoherently and the building shook. “The Earth Arieos!” He shouted, she gasped in confusion, “You can restore...the Earth, you can bring everyone back, and you have your powers. You can give me mine, bring Mateus and Ariel back and still...save the Earth.”
Eveck erupted into flames and he screamed “You will never be one of us again! Ariel and Mateus will stay dead, and they’ll never come back!”The air around him threatened to catch fire and shimmered around him, the ashes from his clothes floated to the ceiling.
“The sun cryst is gone, you destroyed it so I cannot bring them back; I’m not strong enough.”He rasped, Arieos scrambled to her feet and stood in front of Eveck, “You know, your brother was the one we loved.”She replied, Arieos could feel every ripple and twist in the air, she could feel everything; the entire world.
Eveck stood there and looked down, he could feel Arieos in front of him; he didn’t need to look. He glanced up and saw Amy still on one knee, gasping for air and coighing up blood.He whispered “I’m going to give you two choices, stay with me and I’ll help you find Death or find him yourself.”
Arieos glanced at the ceiling; a mark was being scorched into it, in their own language. She kept her eyes on the ceiling as she mumbled “Death, that is not his name, why do you call him Death?”Eveck glanced at Shara; she was lying motionless in a corner.
“Because death follows him, he’s my brother, and yet he tried to kill me over and over again. He doesn’t know who he is and I don’t either, when you and the others decided to tear me into three, it ref
<continuation from that ^^>reflected back onto him. Making him unstable, he’s insane, and he’ll try to kill you before you have a chance to do anything.” He replied harshly.
“The words on the ceiling, once you read them out...that’s it, you’ll have your physical and mental abilities back. You will be an elemental in every way, your swords will answer your call and you will be transported from this building.”He paused for a moment, the fire surrounding him beginning to calm.
He continued “There’s one drawback, you come back and I will wipe you from time itself. You will have never existed, do you understand?”As he stood the air around him cracked and shimmered blue, as if waiting for a response, Arieos mumbled “Yes...”The lights flickered and the screens shut down, Arieos glanced at the black windows and saw it splitting.
I wasn't asking for "Beta" reading...I'd send it to an editor if I wanted suggestions etc.
I was asking if it was good enough.