Is my story line good?

TwilightGirl821

New member
By Chapter -
1)Beginning – Khloe on building top with Lyon(talking about hunting the lycans), later Cathal at bar meeting lycan (Cole) about Alaric (Vampire) who killed his wife and son(also Khloe’s family, which she doesn’t know about. At the end, Khloe goes hunting for the lycans, Cathal going to find her.
2)Car ride – Khloe is hunting (Thinking if human life as lap-dog (Describe clothing) and the power as a vampire) She hears her name is a person’s thoughts (unknowingly it’s Cathal) while she is searching. A little while later after searching through minds she finds that a human woman is following a seemingly drunk main into an alley, and watching through the woman’s eyes sees that the man is really a lycan, she notices the English Native tattoo on his arm and goes after him. She catches up with the lycans (beginning line: ‘My spidey senses are tingling’) and she goes after the lycans, the drunken woman having been knocked out by the blond lycan. Now Cathal, he senses the lycan changing form and goes towards the feeling, to see what the problem is. Chapter ends with Cathal getting out of his car and seeing Khloe standing over the two death lycans.
3)Forces unknown – Cathal is impressed and but before he can say anything she is thrown across the alley with a force he can’t see, then is pinned up against the wall while Khloe sets fire to eth bodied. As she watched them burn he looks up at her. After a few words are traded, he is let go from her Telekinesis and leaves the alley and driving away. Now in Khloe’s view, she watches the car drive away and thinks he’s eh most beautiful man she’d ever seen. She blanks him from her mind and heads back to the roof top. Now as Lyon, he burns the bodied of the lycans he killed, setting a small tree on fire in the process. After quickly putting it out in a humorous way, he heads back to the roof top with a thought about Khloe in his mind. Now as Cathal he thinks about Khloe and how her power had both scared him and attracted him to her. He decides that he must make her tell him where Alaric is, even by force. Chapter ends with Cathal thinking about his dead wife.
There's more and i couldn't fit it all but hope its good
 
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