LightDancer Jenkins
New member
Sent this story a couple of times now I've managed to add a new part I've written. I'm 13 and hoping in a few years to publish a book so give your opinions. P.S I need no editing tips I've already got a sheet written down of what needs correcting.
Ladies dresses swept the cobbles of a village square as they danced in the moonlight. Blue lanterns hung from buildings illuminated the dancers, while an audience watched from the shadows. All you could see were the audiences faces, floating masks in the gloom.
Lilian stepped through the crowd, waving their hands up to the night sky, as if they thought they could catch the stars like butterflies.
‘God!’ muttered Helldrid from beside her, his fur luminous orange in the moonlight, ‘You must be proud as, to create a place like this.’
‘I guess so,’ Lilian said, smiling proudly.
‘Hey girl, have you ever seen such a big moon, I can’t even cover it with my hand, even from this distance.’ His emerald eyes were wide as he glanced about.
A curly haired boy approached them, smiling happily, ‘Wine?’ he chirped in a shrill voice, shoving a tray of wine to Helldrid’s nose.
Lilian backed off a few steps into the crowd, ‘Well Helldrid I think I’ll leave you with your drinks, I want to find another way to enjoy myself.’
‘Just meet me by the church!’ he shouted before she was enveloped by the audience of the dancers.
Lilian weaved through the people, they were blue under the velvet sky, waving and swaying like blue poppies in the breeze.
She stepped out of the gathering, the air becoming clear and cool, out in expanse of flat rock ahead of her. Out here the moon was so clear, sitting half hidden behind the mountain, luminous against the powdery ink of the sky.
The clapping the laughing was drowned by the winds, circling over the rock like girls at play, tumbling down hills. They lifted dust into the air dappling the sky with more glimmering stars.
She followed the trails of dust till they flew over stalls set up away from the crowd, wedged between buildings. The stall holders seemed utterly bored, with no customers to attend. So Lilian thought it best to have a browse. The stall holders eyed her longingly and displayed their wares in front of her, like lined soldiers before the king, all of them intriguing objects. She stopped by a stall laid with glassy fruits, small as buttons. A Gypsy lady crawled out of an old caravan behind the table and greeted her with a warm smile. 'Hello dear,' she cooed, lifting a silver fruit before her eyes, 'what can I do for you?'
Her words came out as whispers from behind the aqua veil she wore, 'I'm just browsing.' Lilian said defensivly, looking over the glass then into the Gypsies raindrop eyes.
The Gypsy looked up into the night sky longingly, as if beckoning in the stars to look down at her stall, 'You have good taste,' she finally whispered, blinking out of her daze, 'it takes a loving heart to find fondness in these glass trinkets.'
she lifted up another, 'They are crafted from the trees of Glass Forest, the ones of shattering sand.'
'You mean the seeds,' Lilian murmured, looking at her enquiringly.
The Gypsy stared at her almost hurtfully,'Yes, yes I quite forgot.' she lay down the glass and shook out her black hair, 'Do you have anything in your pockets I would find fair to trade for one of my glass trinkets.'
Lilian rummaged her hands through her pockets till she felt something cool under her finger tips. She brought it out and placed it upon the table. She grunted as it was only the change from Miss Marpin's bread. 'Why grunt?' the Gypsy questioned, sweeping the veil from her face to look at the coins more closely, 'These are rare Foesoven coins, you could buy a house of rich furnishings with this money.' how greedy her voice sounded, hungry for a taste of wealth that her glass wares couldn't buy her.
'If their worth that much, then one coin for one of these would be too much.' she wished she could wipe away that greedy look gleaming in the the Gypsies eyes.
The Gypsy flinched, as if she felt a knife to her back, 'Then you'll have to buy more for the price of the coin. About ten should suit.' the lies sung from her tongue and broke in her voice.
'No thank you,' Lilian growled, taking her money away and moving on.
Ladies dresses swept the cobbles of a village square as they danced in the moonlight. Blue lanterns hung from buildings illuminated the dancers, while an audience watched from the shadows. All you could see were the audiences faces, floating masks in the gloom.
Lilian stepped through the crowd, waving their hands up to the night sky, as if they thought they could catch the stars like butterflies.
‘God!’ muttered Helldrid from beside her, his fur luminous orange in the moonlight, ‘You must be proud as, to create a place like this.’
‘I guess so,’ Lilian said, smiling proudly.
‘Hey girl, have you ever seen such a big moon, I can’t even cover it with my hand, even from this distance.’ His emerald eyes were wide as he glanced about.
A curly haired boy approached them, smiling happily, ‘Wine?’ he chirped in a shrill voice, shoving a tray of wine to Helldrid’s nose.
Lilian backed off a few steps into the crowd, ‘Well Helldrid I think I’ll leave you with your drinks, I want to find another way to enjoy myself.’
‘Just meet me by the church!’ he shouted before she was enveloped by the audience of the dancers.
Lilian weaved through the people, they were blue under the velvet sky, waving and swaying like blue poppies in the breeze.
She stepped out of the gathering, the air becoming clear and cool, out in expanse of flat rock ahead of her. Out here the moon was so clear, sitting half hidden behind the mountain, luminous against the powdery ink of the sky.
The clapping the laughing was drowned by the winds, circling over the rock like girls at play, tumbling down hills. They lifted dust into the air dappling the sky with more glimmering stars.
She followed the trails of dust till they flew over stalls set up away from the crowd, wedged between buildings. The stall holders seemed utterly bored, with no customers to attend. So Lilian thought it best to have a browse. The stall holders eyed her longingly and displayed their wares in front of her, like lined soldiers before the king, all of them intriguing objects. She stopped by a stall laid with glassy fruits, small as buttons. A Gypsy lady crawled out of an old caravan behind the table and greeted her with a warm smile. 'Hello dear,' she cooed, lifting a silver fruit before her eyes, 'what can I do for you?'
Her words came out as whispers from behind the aqua veil she wore, 'I'm just browsing.' Lilian said defensivly, looking over the glass then into the Gypsies raindrop eyes.
The Gypsy looked up into the night sky longingly, as if beckoning in the stars to look down at her stall, 'You have good taste,' she finally whispered, blinking out of her daze, 'it takes a loving heart to find fondness in these glass trinkets.'
she lifted up another, 'They are crafted from the trees of Glass Forest, the ones of shattering sand.'
'You mean the seeds,' Lilian murmured, looking at her enquiringly.
The Gypsy stared at her almost hurtfully,'Yes, yes I quite forgot.' she lay down the glass and shook out her black hair, 'Do you have anything in your pockets I would find fair to trade for one of my glass trinkets.'
Lilian rummaged her hands through her pockets till she felt something cool under her finger tips. She brought it out and placed it upon the table. She grunted as it was only the change from Miss Marpin's bread. 'Why grunt?' the Gypsy questioned, sweeping the veil from her face to look at the coins more closely, 'These are rare Foesoven coins, you could buy a house of rich furnishings with this money.' how greedy her voice sounded, hungry for a taste of wealth that her glass wares couldn't buy her.
'If their worth that much, then one coin for one of these would be too much.' she wished she could wipe away that greedy look gleaming in the the Gypsies eyes.
The Gypsy flinched, as if she felt a knife to her back, 'Then you'll have to buy more for the price of the coin. About ten should suit.' the lies sung from her tongue and broke in her voice.
'No thank you,' Lilian growled, taking her money away and moving on.