Is my poem "Man at the Door" good?

I

ivwillrockyou

New member
I want to know if I am doing a good job. I have written around 35 poems and I want to know how I am doing. Here is "Man at the Door".

Late last night or the night before
There was a man standing at my door
I didn't know who he was or what he was doing
For his breathing was as harsh as a possessed baby's cooing

I noticed he had an axe in hand
And walked like a broken rubber band
I was scared, who wouldn't be
Filled with panic, I couldn't see

I opened my mouth as if I had something to say
But nothing came out because I knew I would die today
My body got cold, preparing to die
In an instant the man disappeared with a sigh

In my room feeling no pain
It must have been a dream, I wasn't insane
I am floating over my bed surrounded by a white beam
Looking down at my body, ripped from its seam

What do you guys think?
 
Compared to what? It kind of sounds like a Johnny Cash song, so it makes good song lyrics. It's not an especially great poem though, by contemporary standards.

Here's the first part to Stanley Plumly's "Out-of-the-Body Travel," written about thirty years ago:

1
And then he would lift this finest
of furniture to his big left shoulder
and tuck it in and draw the bow
so carefully as to make the music

almost visible on the air. And play
and play until a whole roomful of the sad
relatives mourned. They knew this was
drawing of blood, threading and rethreading

the needle. They saw even in my father's
face how well he understood the pain
he put them to--his raw, red cheek
pressed against the cheek of the wood . . .
 
I give it a 6 out of 10. It didn't leave me feeling profoundly different after I read it. To me, a poem would really cause me to pause and think and strike me deeply. This didn't really do that.
 
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