Is my father this way because of the military?

L

Liam

New member
I'm 31 now and my father is in his 60's. When I was growing up my father was a soldier and he was so different from other men. Other men like my neighbours and my uncles would also take time to speak with me, showed interest in me and always acknowledged my achievement in school.

My father on the other hand was very emotionally withdrawn. He was determined to get me into the army from a very early age. He succedded with my older brother but i'm more of an "emotional" person. He would always buy me stuff but would never showed any love for me. When I was nominated for an awared in High school he had to ask me if I want him to go!

Now i've noticed my brother expressing similar traits with his children. The way he speaks to his children is the same way my father spoke to us when we were younger. He always says he regrets leaving the army but tbh I'm glad he did.

Does the miliary "condition" you in some way to be this emotionally withdrawn? My Uncle who I hadn't seen in 12 years said to me "i'm so proud of you and love you to bits". My father has NEVER said anything like that to me.
 
A lot of men in my family served in the military. They are still loving and caring uncles, grandfathers, etc. The service makes you stronger not emotionless. Your father must be this way naturally
 
The military experience does change you a little, but who you are is formed before you ever enlist.

I'd guess that your father was influenced more by your grandfather and grandmother than the Army.
 
It could be, but it also could be the way he was raised as well. You learn by example. If his father didn't show emotion to him or said things that showed he was proud of him, then he grew up believing it. Some parents are like that no matter what you do or say.

With him being in the Army in the 60s most likely he was sent to Nam, what he saw there would ruin and has ruined lots of feelings of emotion in men and women who served there. What your brother is seeing if he is serving in the Army can be that way as well.

what they both need is counseling as they can be suffering from PTSD.
 
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