Bipolar depression does not exist.
You can have bipolar with manic depression tendancies, but bipolar is a serious swing in moods on a timescale basis. You are high as fuck one day and want to die the next. Been there, done that, got the meds to prove it.
First, this is not a medical forum. Seek professional help IMMIDIATELY.
Second, depression happens to everyon. Manic depressive is being depressed and then suddenly being excited or happy.
Depression is having times of normal, even happy emotions but never getting over that feeling that your existence is fucking shit.
and there are many memebers here, like descent, myself and others who suffer from this disorder in varying degrees, but enough to stop us from functioning on a normal basis.
I would suggest seeking medical help as soon as possible. bipolar disorder removes your ability to think coherently.
in case you cared, my medical diagnosis is:
Bipolar 2 disorder (with massive depressive stages and paranoid delusions, dissaciative disorder)
Post traumatic Stress Syndrome
ADHD with Hyperfocusing Disorder
and generally being a fucking CUNT. But my dr. didnt put that down.
Do meds help? Mabye. I hate them because they make me feel stupid. And the meds have put me in the hospital more times than my mental illness has.
The problem is, when I am high, I am high. When I am down, I am down. It takes weeks for me to pull out of the depression/paranoia phase, and when I do I am just fucking fine, better than fine, I am happy and excited and don't sleep for days on end. Then there is the time in between, when I am normal and not feeling elated or depressed, in fact during these spans I don't feel much at all, this is called disassociation.
The resolution is to remember and validate your emotions. Do you feel like everyone hates you? I do. I feel like I should die. I feel like I should go in the bedroom, put the gun to my head and blow my fucking brains out. Is this a normal feeling? Yes, but not when it overcomes your ability to confront reality, and to that I mean I have to FORCE myself to understand that not everyone hates me, my kids don't hate me, my boyfriend doesn't hate me. Sometimes the only one that hates me is me, and then I have to think of what I will be leaving behind if I do kill myself. I want to live my life, not be a victim of it.
Always validate your emotions against reality.
The reality is often that you are not a bad person, that you do not deserve to die, that people do love you and that you have something to offer to the world.
Write those things down every day and look at them. Remember them. And when you feel like I do right now, look at it again and remind yourself that life is good.
If you find that validation is not stopping you from doing something stupid, calll someone.
Talk to someone.
Talk to your family, parents, brothers and sisters
Talk to your friends
Talk to the fucking 911 operator if you need to
But never let your depression control you.