is it cheating if there is no sex?

W

Warren

New member
last month my husband and i attended his 20th high school reunion party at a local niteclub. i had just had surgery to remove a lump from my breast a week before and was still awaiting the biopsy results, so to say that i was in no mood to attend would be an understatement. anyhow we had already paid for it and i knew my husband really wanted to go so i bought an out fit that hid the large bandage on my chest, took my pain pills and put a smile on my face for my husband. also i had already promised to be his designated driver, after all a 20th reunion only happens once right? well my husband was conversing with old classmates all night and drinking heavily.at one point he got up from the table he and i were sitting at and said he was going to the bathroom and that he thought he saw someone he attended school with and he wanted to say hi. well he was gone for over an hour and i went looking for him because i was tired and wanted to go home. i found him outside on the bar's outdoor patio in a dark corner chatting it up with a woman. she was dressed like a bar skank and was holding a broken drumstick.after hearing people ask her why she was carrying it around i heard her say that her husband was the drummer in the band there that night.i walked up behind my husband and said "remember me, your wife?" and this womans reply was ,"oh, you have a wife?" i was mortified and very hurt. i said to my husband that i was leaving because i was tired from the surgey still and wanted to go home and i turned to leave.i had to wait at the door for him as he said goodbye to this woman! i was humiliated in front of his old classmates. i say that he was cheating on me by leaving me sitting at a table alone for over an hour with nobody that i knew while he was chatting it up, and lets call it "giggling and falling all over his so called schoolmate", who it turns out wasn't, he claims he meant to say that he went to school with her "brother". yeah right, anyhow i say its cheating and he says it is not because he did not sleep with her and was not intending to, what?! who knows what he would have done if i hadnt went to find him. i should have just left his ass there, not like he would have noticed if i left anyhow, and don't you think it odd that he didn't ask this woman back to the table with me so he could introduce his wife? this is a source of severe hurt for me and he shrugs it off and says that i whine too much. what do you say? we have been married 13 years and have 2 kids
 
I say that is at the very least disrespectful. Cheating i'm not so sure i have to mention here though that if left unattended it might have gone there. I think you are justified in your anger sister and I would certainly let Jason have it if it had been me we have also been married 13 years and have 2 kids pretty sure he would have been left there and came home to find door locked and a suitcase on the steps where he could go stay somewhere else and think about it over night after the booze wore off!
 
I feel your pain. Sadly this has happened to me as well on many occasions. It's insensitive, rude and disrespectful. You have every right to feel hurt. Especially with the surgery you had just gone through, he has shown no regards towards your feelings. I am very sorry.
 
I don't think you're being rediculous, but I don't think that was cheating either. You can chalk it up to the alcohol if you want, but if your husband wanders off that easily then I think you have bigger problems in your marriage. Whether or not he's sleeping with/kissing/touching other women.

Now that your husband has sobered up does he even recognize that he hurt you and owes you an apology? Or does he not think it was a big deal?
 
last month my husband and i attended his 20th high school reunion party at a local niteclub. i had just had surgery to remove a lump from my breast a week before and was still awaiting the biopsy results, so to say that i was in no mood to attend would be an understatement. anyhow we had already paid for it and i knew my husband really wanted to go so i bought an out fit that hid the large bandage on my chest, took my pain pills and put a smile on my face for my husband. also i had already promised to be his designated driver, after all a 20th reunion only happens once right? well my husband was conversing with old classmates all night and drinking heavily.at one point he got up from the table he and i were sitting at and said he was going to the bathroom and that he thought he saw someone he attended school with and he wanted to say hi. well he was gone for over an hour and i went looking for him because i was tired and wanted to go home. i found him outside on the bar's outdoor patio in a dark corner chatting it up with a woman. she was dressed like a bar skank and was holding a broken drumstick.after hearing people ask her why she was carrying it around i heard her say that her husband was the drummer in the band there that night.i walked up behind my husband and said "remember me, your wife?" and this womans reply was ,"oh, you have a wife?" i was mortified and very hurt. i said to my husband that i was leaving because i was tired from the surgey still and wanted to go home and i turned to leave.i had to wait at the door for him as he said goodbye to this woman! i was humiliated in front of his old classmates. i say that he was cheating on me by leaving me sitting at a table alone for over an hour with nobody that i knew while he was chatting it up, and lets call it "giggling and falling all over his so called schoolmate", who it turns out wasn't, he claims he meant to say that he went to school with her "brother". yeah right, anyhow i say its cheating and he says it is not because he did not sleep with her and was not intending to, what?! who knows what he would have done if i hadnt went to find him. i should have just left his *** there, not like he would have noticed if i left anyhow, and don't you think it odd that he didn't ask this woman back to the table with me so he could introduce his wife? this is a source of severe hurt for me and he shrugs it off and says that i whine too much. what do you say? we have been married 13 years and have 2 kids









Is to big a question
 
No it's not cheating, as long as there was no sexual contact ie kissing etc. You should feel hurt as that was a shit thing to do to you. But he was drunk and you should give him the benefit of the doubt on this one as long as there is no history of cheating.
 
Well i wouldn't think it was cheating it was just talk but I would have been mad and i don't blame you. who knows what would have happened? Has he ever gave you the idea he has or would cheat for you to feel that way? but you leaving him there is leaving the door wide open. he never should have left you to go talk to her and if he was he should have asked you to come with. I am sorry he did that to you. And tell him cheating does not mean you sleep with them there is many ways you can cheat.
 
I can understand you being upset, but that is not cheating. I would say his behavior was bad form and low class, but not cheating. Being a 20th reunion and with him being drunk there a reasonable explanation for his poor behavior. If this is a one time occurrence then just let it go.

Just as an added note, it sounds like you're going through a lot of pain because of your operation and your husband doesn't quite understand exactly how you feel which may make him seem unsupportive. Conversely, with him not understanding how you feel he may feel neglected.

You should talk to your husband and not only express to him that you're not feeling well, but also try to understand how he feels and what he feels he's not getting. You don't want to lose a husband over an operation.
 
Don't give up. You and your husband have invested so much time into your relationship and children don't throw it away over a disagreement. I can say although I have not been married as long as you have, that I still have realized that each time my husband or I got upset at one another, that things werent always as they seem and there were some underlying problems that needed to be and are still being addressed. I know that made you angry and no one can tell you, you were wrong for feeling what you feel b/c our feelings belong to us. But I know you are probably feeling insecure b/c you had surgery to remove a lump in your breast and somehow you may feel that some of your womanhood was taken or you may feel that your husband doesn't love you anymore. Please just know that this is a very sensitive time with the surgery you just had, but remind yourself that you do love your husband and he does love you or else you both wouldn't be there. Try to take a breather, I know it's hard and pray and meditate a little bit before things get escalated even more. For the sake of your children who can pick up on things, show them mommy and daddy can overcome anything because of love and you can! Just believe in that, and if you can try checking out Dr. Gary Chapman online when you get a chance. He is a counselor online with free info that wrote the book the "Five Love Languages" that love conquers all! But for your question on cheating, only God knows your husband's heart so you can't force what you thought on him, but if you felt fishy about it tell him that it made you feel uncomfortable but that you know you can't force your feelings on him and remind him how much you love him and that you will trust that if there is anything that he needs to share with you that he will do so and that you will make sure that he feels comfortable to come and talk to you if he ever feels uncomfortable over anything but definitely someone has to choose to be the better person so I would apologize for accusing him but you don't have to apologize for how you felt k? I hope this helps and God bless.
 
I dont think its cheating, i think its mean and hurtful but no way was that cheating, sorry. Maybe next time you should cut him off after 10 beers.
 
I don't think it was cheating at all. It was rude to leave you at the table for so long by youself, and that he could apologize for. But you said he was drinking, it's very easy to lose track of time when you're drinking, he probably only thought it had been like ten minutes or so. I'd just let him know it hurt you, and then drop it.
 
Back
Top