Intense Sadness

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LaptopMan

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I havent touched a drop of alcohol for the past 5 weeks. My story is, after 15+ years of pretty heavy drinking I lost my job last August and started having some marital problems. Time on my hanRAB kicked me into drinking overdrive, basically drank 7x24, couple of Gin's before breakfast was the norm. Well on March 26th went to Doctors to get results from routine physical. Liver tests were bad. After the Doc read me riot act, went cold turkey and havent touched a drop. I thought I was doing pretty good, didnt have any real withdrawl symtoms or anything. But slowly I have had this creeping sadness building inside me, I almost feel like the old me when I was drinking has died and I miss him. Cant talk to my family much about any of this, my wife was probably the only one I could have talked to, and she's gone. Is this a form of withdrawl? I'm hoping that this melancholy is a function of detox, just seems to have been a long time in manifesting itself. Has anyone else suffered this kind of thing?
 
Do you know the acronym for "fine"? Some guy asks a recovering A.A.er , "How're you feelin?" The newly sober guy replies,Fine! it stanRAB for F**ed up,Insecure, Neurotic, & Emotional. You're right on schedule it sounRAB like. Try any local meetings?
 
I can totally relate. I stopped taking Norco after 3 years. Its only been a week and while my body is over it, my mind isn't.
The worst time for me is after dinner and everyone is into doing there own thing. I'd pop a couple norcos, take a bath, then curl up in bed with a good book. My time. My peaceful time. The week-end are also hard. Even though I didn't usually do anything, the pills felt like it gave me something to do. Addiction is hard, especially when you love , love your drug of choice. You gotta remeraber that it doesn't love you back. All the time it made you waste, all the frienRAB and family you don't see much of anymore, your self importance, and your strength. It only loves taking all that away. Now that you are sober, you are a different person. It's ok to mourn your other self. Hopefully you have lost that person and can now go on and grow into an even better one. Look around you. Be proud of yourself because you are strong and you've done a wonderful thing.


Heidi
 
Thanks for the responses. maybe I was expecting this to all be too easy, and I think the first couple of 'easy' weeks lulled me into a sense of false security. Past few days have been so tough, felt so so melancholic I started thinking about a drinking just (yeah you know what I mean here) to 'take the edge off' a little. reading your responses and others help me realize this is a process and I guess I need to give my brain time to catch up to my body. As for AA, havent got to that yet, I'm going to see if I can tough it out alone first, not really so good in therapy of any sorts, let alone group. But then again never thought I could stop drinking, so who knows whats possible!
 
Becky,

You're right this is a kind of therapy, and I must say it has been helpfull hearing the encouragement and reading other peoples stories. I know in the front part of my brain whats going on, but there an instintual part of my brain that still wants the drink. Thanks for the suggestion of online AA. I checked out a few lst night and I think thats going to work for me.
I keep telling myelf if I can just get through the next month or so it'll start getting easier. On a positive note actually started seriously looking for a new job, first time in a long long time I've actually been able to apply myself constructively, rather than just drinking myself into a stupor
 
Hey Laptop:
Just a thought...this is a "therapy" of sorts..posting to this board. If you don't feel that you can do a group "face to face" AA meeting, check for the online meetings. There are tons of them.

You are in a critical time right now and need all of the support you can get. I lost a brother to alcohol in 1985 at the age of 33, have one who refuses help and CHOOSES to be homeless at this time, and another who during the past Christmas holidays spent two weeks in ICU because he was tired of living that life where drinking consumed his every thought, and tried to detox on his own, and he had a seizure! He was lucky to make it through with his life intact.

Online AA/NA groups allow for anonymity (sp?) that "in person" groups do not. Many persons fear the whole "opening up/sharing" part of group counseling, or fear who they might run into at a meeting, thereby revealing their innermost secrets.

At this particularly critical time in your decision that you have made that you NO LONGER want to continue down this path with alcohol determining your every move, it is imperitive that you share your fears, concerns and celebrate your acheviements. Get a sponsor...

You CAN do this. You ARE doing this! YAY!! :bouncing: I urge you to continue to share with the wonderful folks on this board, they have so much to offer, but I also recommend that you look into online AA/NA meetings.

Best of luck to you in your continued recovery.
:angel:
Becky
 
Good for you on starting your job hunt. A busy mind is a happy mind! I'm also happy to hear you've been looking at meetings. Chatting with people who are going thru the same thing as you can be very motivating and comforting.

Have a peaceful day,

Heidi
 
That is my biggest obstacle. Keeping busy. But I am so glad you are able to keep your mind busy.

Good work.

Tiffany
 
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