the airline needs to throw the flight safety video out the fucking window and put on a instructional courtesy tape. my once-a-week flight gets everything in that first list, and these need to be added:
1) no farting, burping, or gas expulsion of any kind will be tolerated on an airplane, whether it be silent or loud, inert or deadly.. we do not want our routines disrupted by your bodily functions. one word: takeashit.
2) all children who are obnoxious, loud, irritating, or in any form disruptive to any passenger will be placed in an overhead storage bin with a sound-proof seal, one flashlight, and a book.
3) all electronics which make a SINGLE noise (with the exception of placing it in a silent mode and\or turning it off, because this is courteous) will be seized and returned at the end of the flight. This includes cell phones, laptops, iPods\CD players, gameboys, everything. if you can control the volume, turn the sound off. if you can't control the volume, turn the device OFF.
4) have some fucking manners. request permission to lay your seat back. it is better to disturb someone verbally than to lay back at will and crush their legs.
5) if i want a drink, i'll press the "call" button that the airplane was built with. when finishing up paperwork, the last thing i want is a drink to spill and ruin it.
6) if you're fat, buy 2 seats. if your ass is going to bulge out even after requesting 2 seats, request your own row. obesity costs money.. sorry.
7) bathroom rules: while taking a shit may be relieving to you, the scent is not relieving to any of us. not only is it gross on the ground, but airplanes make any problem 2095 times worse. if you feel the urge to shit, you are allowed to respond IF and only IF your flight is international, or lasts more than 5 hours and you can't wait, and you are literally about to shit your pants, thus causing more stench even when seated (includes diarrhea).
8) Cell phones use radio waves. Radio waves interfere with flight instruments. If you would like the plane to crash, you may freely use your cell phone\radio wave emitting device. Otherwise, turn off your fucking cell phone.
9) sick? gonna spew? no problem! vomit bags are located right in front of you. the floor, a passenger's lap, and/or a passenger's leg\shoe are all completely unacceptable places to blast your bits.
feel free to add as necessary.